2014 New Year Fantasies

Another New Year.

High hopes and dreams galore.

Wishes bursting at the seams.
New year’s resolutions?

I usually think that is such a silly tradition, bound for failure.

Just sitting on this couch with my dogs
And computer, my family nearby on their 

Computers, silent at times and 

Conversing once in awhile.

Music surrounds, blissfully so.

Perhaps this moment is heaven and the 

Best New Year’s gift ever!

My fantasies for the new year 2014 include for all of us:

Pets and children, laughs and hugs.

The ridding of extreme prejudice, avarice and dishonesty.

Privacy from our government and for ourselves.

Dignity for all peoples of the world.

Integrity in thoughts and action.

Good friendship and sensual, healthy pleasures.

Acknowledgment of and perhaps acceptance of our dark sides.

The will to live more peacefully with others.

Lots of music, song and dance.

Less worry about mundane matters.

Faith and love and generosity of spirit.

Compassion for others and for ourselves.

Humor to deal with tragedies and the idiocies of some.

Commitment to changing some part of the world around us.

Or, changing ourselves for the better.

Learning something new.

Finding meaning and passion about something that holds and focuses us.

Excellent food, fine drink, health and peace.

No more war or drone strikes or gun violence toward any people.

No more weapons being used to hurt others, be they tangible or verbal.

Nice to reflect and to dream about making our lives just a little bit better, more meaningful and loving. May you have a wonderful new year!  Best wishes and blessings.

Holiday Grief 101

Bursting forth at the seams, her dress fit too tightly.

Overwhelmed and overburdened with affectation,

The buttons popped, the zipper broke.

Another Christmas Day, full and rich.

No longer able to fit into these clothes,

How will she dress?

What adornment, what accessories can

Continue to hide her vehemence, her fear and rage?

A suit of armor, a bikini, or a straight jacket? 

An aging hippie dress, or inappropriate leggings

That may show her age but not good taste.

What outer layer can envelope her?

Perhaps a cloak, a drape, a poncho,

Scarves wound round and round,

Gloves for hands and boots for feet,
At least she won’t get cold.

Protected and enclosed, she enters the next

Party, smiling in agony and anxiety,

Misery, tears and hope.

Maybe this gathering will be better.

Alas, the people attending this party are

No better than the ones at the last.

Maybe she should just be by herself, 

At home, isolated, withdrawn, alone.

Entering into this safer world, she cries out

Wanting, longing for love and comfort,

Hating the way she is, so sensitive and

Pained by every day life.

Her pets are good company, nurturing her well.

A good book plays the music of

Her soul, getting through another holiday, 

Another time, another life.

A Holiday Dream for an Effective Government

While listening to TV news analysts and political comedians lately, I am appalled once again that our government is so inefficient and full of rampant and radical divisions. Our leaders fight with each other, like elementary school kids at recess, blaming each other for the state of our nation, both sides feeling bullied by the other. Is this is a battle to the death, a civil war that pits each one of us against the other?  I have a dream that does not include bullying.

At first, I dream about a government with the majority of its leaders being women who look like me.  I feel cozy and nurtured in this dream, and I see things getting done, bills being passed, laws being implemented and evaluated effectively.  But then, the dream changes to a more powerful proposition.

My dream transforms to include not only women as leaders but some men too. Not only white women, but women and men of color, of different races, backgrounds, creeds and sexual orientations.  This dream includes people of all genders plus young people who are committed to working together in multigenerational and multicultural teams.

These excellent leaders create a system for effective communications with their constituents, asking for input and representing rather than following. They care about all people no matter whether they are rich or poor.  Corporations cannot control them and they do what is best for all of the people they serve, not just for the business sector.

In my dream, we have a government of the People, by the People, and for the People.  But, I wonder if we can truly implement such a dream? We have moved so far away from this dream, that many have turned away from politics, believing that our government will never change so why even get involved?  That way lies madness. 

Do we leave decisions that affect each of our lives up to people who campaign for a living?  Leave our children to grow up in a world where we don’t count, we don’t have any power to help our leaders make life long decisions about how we work, what we eat, where we sleep, how we educate our children, and how our children get sent off to wars to fight our battles in other lands?  Our battles that are focused mostly on economic desires, and perhaps greed? 

My dream has an ending.  But, getting to that ending entails a lot of tough, hard work.  It calls for us all to leave our homes and engage with others about what we think would be good for our country. In my holiday dream, I see everyone having the energy, time, interest and enthusiasm for helping us all help each one of us, realizing that if we don’t work together, someone else will make decisions for us. And then, we cannot live in a free democracy.  I hope it is not too late.

As Our Bodies Change....

Maybe I am just feeling my age more than usual on this chilly morning, but I have noticed that my peers and I are not just viewing our bodies as changing, we are dealing with aging in all aspects of our lives: mentally, spiritually, economically, emotionally, in all ways. 

At my age, some of us complain about our sagging faces, bottoms and breasts, and we yearn to look like our children who have such smooth and healthy looking skin.  What we would give to be young again but only if we could bring along the wisdom that we have now, a product of many experiences, decisions, and choices in life. Many of my peers groan about our economy and about the continual injustices in our world, in our nation and in our town.  We may still be searching spiritually, or we have come to a more peaceful place with our devotional lives, having integrated much along the way, and hopefully still with curiosity about what’s next. The Great Mystery is just that for some of us: a mystery to explore and wonder about, and we are not quite so fearful about the unknown as we once were.

We call ourselves mentors now instead of students, we might like to see ourselves as old crones or wizards as we spout off our views, theories and ideas to the world and to younger folks in particular.  I believe we can have deeper relationships with ourselves and with others at this stage of life. We can wade through conflict at least a little better than we used to, and we have more compassion perhaps than ever before.

We may no longer be seen as sexual beings by others, but we may feel and act more sexual and romantic than ever before, more comfortable with ourselves and our partners.  But, in contrast, the world may see us as grandparents or elders rather than as nubile nymphs.

What do we do with all our smarts and somewhat integrated selves?  Let me get more personal: what is my calling now, besides my profession which I both love and enjoy?  What passion do I have for acting on my values and hopes about the transformation of humanity?  Where will I put my energy in the coming years?  Will I just flow along and let come what may, or will I go to the other extreme and get obsessive about planning, setting goals, mapping out my wished-for future? 

What do you do, what do you plan, what do you hope for as you watch your children grow up and have families of their own? What are your interests and joys while you watch your parents age and die, or while you grieve their passing away from this physical realm?  How long will we need to work for pay, and will retirement ever really be an option when it used to be the norm?

Back to our physical bodies.  How do we make peace with our bodies, our faces, our hands and all those parts that show the gravity of our situation, the lower amount of energy, the settling in our bones?  Do we cut our bodies up, stretch and pull our skin like straightening out a wrinkled carpet, or do we honor these creases, these bags and sags, and watch movies featuring Judi Dench so that we can see that there is truly beauty in an old face that hasn’t been filled in or botox-ed out?

My holiday wishes for you are:  

•  I hope you will love yourself, your mind and your body as much as you can. Be gentle about the changes that are happening.
•  I hope you will know that numerical age is not the same as the age we feel, and sometimes you can be shocked by mirrors and photographs of yourself because you feel so much younger than you look.  Maybe that is better than the alternative.
• Use your wisdom and experience and help others who are younger or who struggle. We have a lot to teach and give to others at this age but we may want to wait until we are asked before offering our excellent advice.
• Find some activity you enjoy and just do it. Stop working so hard, work smarter but not longer.
• Relax more and enjoy yourself and others.  No one else can do that for you. It is time to be self-centered (within limits) and do for yourself instead of only doing for others.

That’s enough.  I wish you the best, no matter how old you are!

Dreams: They can haunt us or help us

 I awoke this morning, having dreamt about competition with a woman for a man. High drama, lusty and frightening. I screamed at this vicious woman while she tried to take my man. He claimed he was mine forever, that she was just a harpy, not to worry. At the end of the dream, she was dead.

After awaking, I was partly horrified and partly stunned. Why did I dream such a dream? I can interpret this dream in numerous ways. Maybe I was fighting against the loss of a loved one, scared he would be taken away by some strange, angry woman. Perhaps I was feeling insecure and needed my man to play the hero, slay the dragon, that Medusa whose head writhed with snakes. Maybe I wanted to kill her, a Hunger Games type of theme: it's either you or me and one of us has to go. We can't both share him and live. Or, perhaps it was a part of me struggling with myself.

I can view the dream as having to do with my family of origin where my sister and I competed for our parents' attention and love. Or, this could be a classic Oedipal or Electra dream, and I am competing with my mother for my father's love. Or, I may have been competing with my father for my mother's love, who knows? What does this dream mean? All of the above, none of the above, and probably more.

Dreams are like snowflakes or fingerprints, each unique but with themes, threads that weave a tapestry over time about our unconscious lives. Dreams can be mirrors of our humanness, or windows into our souls.

 

What do you dream about? Being chased, or being naked in front of a class where you are supposed to lead, teach or entertain? My favorite dreams are about my stretching out my arms and flying free, or being pregnant.

Dreams may be metaphorical stories like intriguing fiction or wise tomes. We may speak to and listen to our gods while we dream, or we may sort out anecdotal events of the day. Some think that dreams are just neurons firing in our brains, chemical reactions with no real meanings.

I tend to view dreams as messages to our conscious minds from deep within.They may also have a transpersonal element to them, the divine speaking through code. I engaged in a battle to the death last night in my dream. What an archetypal journey, filled with desire, with fear, loss and sacrifice.

Exploration, awareness and understanding are keys to the mysteries of our dreams. Play with your dreams, talk to them, wonder about them. Associate freely to the images and put yourself in each part of the dream, imagining a part of yourself in each character, each place and action. What are your dreams telling you? Are they only haunting you or can they help you while you reflect on the present, the past and the future?

Is this another Civil War or Civil Rights Movement?

Is our country participating in another Civil War, or another Civil Rights Movement?

The media uses words like hijack, hostage-taking, ransom and standing down. These terrorist-type, war-like words reflect what Americans have been doing to each other lately: fighting over values, over racial and class issues, over right and wrong. Some say we have not been this polarized since the Civil War.

The government shutdown is reminiscent of the Civil Rights Movement and before, when the Ku Klux Klan acted like vigilante warriors, out for blood, seeking to silence any voices that differed from theirs. The Klan performed all sorts of horrific acts of violence. Maybe more metaphorical, the government shutdown has also been highly expensive, risky, and dangerous.

Picture the Tea Party as the KKK. We beg them to be empathetic about the needs of the poor and the oppressed, but their ears are clogged with hate and fear-filled rhetoric, and they are unable or unwilling to discuss the issues. The Civil War was connected to slavery like our current times contain actions like Stop and Frisk and massive incarceration of black and brown people. And, let’s not forget the color of our President’s skin. Hasn’t that been an underlying trigger that has inflamed these extremists?

A minority of Republicans, the Tea Party, took ObamaCare and the country hostage. Why would they not negotiate for so many days, mediating the conflicts and developing a plan for all Americans? We can blame the left, we can blame the right, but maybe we need to listen to those in the middle who might have made the most sense of all.

Sometimes, human beings divide and conquer. Our great nation’s history includes our ancestors’ finding this new land and stealing it from its residents. We fought battle after battle with the American Indians, pushing them farther and farther west and then we confined them to reservations (like we did with the Japanese after WWII), as if they were less than human, while white European Americans reigned. I thought our ancestors came to this country to create a different kind of government, one led by the people, for the people.
Instead, our government is run by those with the deepest pockets. Elections are won by those with the most money. This is no longer a democracy. The term, oligarchy, comes to mind.

Our country was founded on violence and exploitation and since then we fought a bitter Civil War with more Americans being killed than in all our other wars combined. Fifty plus years ago, there was a Civil Rights Movement. We desperately need to create change within our society and our systems so that all of us are not held hostage by the few loudest voices, the biggest money, and the most sensational spin. If this is war, at least let it be nonviolent. And, instead of the winner take all, maybe we can share some of the wealth. 

Cohousing creates family you can choose

Imagine walking into a room and meeting your new family. As an adult. While entering the room, various people reach out to you and you see a few familiar faces. You sense the welcome and the curiosity of these 20+ people sharing delicious, home-cooked food.

This has been my experience while exploring a brand new concept in Nashville, its first Cohousing community, Germantown Commons of Tennessee, LLC, which is located at the corner of 5th and Taylor. This idea appeals to me and my family partly because of the intentional nature of this Cohousing community.

There are only120 Cohousing developments in the United States. Research tells us that living in community with others often prompts a long and healthy life. Perhaps “it takes a village to raise a child” pertains to even us adults.

Cohousing neighborhoods are privately owned homes clustered around shared open space and common facilities. Cars are parked outside the cluster for green space, activities and safety for children. The core values of this community are environmental sustainability, smaller homes, green building attributes, and renewable energy systems. The Cohousing model offers social opportunities, shared responsibilities, privacy, and economic benefits to those involved.

As I think about the people involved in the Germantown Commons, I see ethically just and socially active individuals who seek comfort and enjoyment while sharing meals and/or various activities together. Each of those I have met have been interesting and intriguing people, and watching them learn to communicate and process all that comes with building a home together makes for dynamics similar to those within our families of origin.

The difference though is that these people self-select. They choose to be part of this pioneering group that hearkens back to the old family compound, the extended family that lived together, worked together and built a life for themselves. We don’t choose our families but we can choose to participate in another kind of family, one that we explore first, learn all about, and as we get to know the systems and people, we may decide to join them, or not.

Diana Sullivan, a real estate broker and founding member of the Germantown Commons, says it best: “Cohousing is different. Instead of a developer leading this, it is the residents who initiate, design and partially fund the development.”

The Germantown Commons seeks to make decisions by consensus and by working through any and all issues until solutions are discovered. If you are at all interested in this possibility, please review the website: (www.GermantownCohousing.com). You may just find yourself a new family!