A Sign: No Gays Allowed

The Supreme Court recently made an excellent decision about marriage equality and now, the backlash from conservatives. 

Businesses that deal with weddings, like photographers, bakeries, florists, and wedding planners will be making some decisions. A friend says that for those businesses that don’t want to serve the LGBT community, perhaps we can say, "OK, fine, as long as you advertise that you are denying these customers.”  Let the market itself take care of those businesses.  Unfortunately though, in many rural places, people do not have a variety of choices.

Recently, some news: “Tennessee hardware store owner has been getting death threats after posting a ‘No Gays Allowed’ sign on his front door, but he stands by his homophobic message,” according to the New York Daily News (http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/tennessee-hardware-store-owner-posts-no-gays-allowed-sign-article-1.2277673)  He took down the first sign and replaced it with: 

"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone who would violate our rights of freedom of speech & freedom of religion.”

I do not understand how LGBT customers can violate his freedom of speech, much less his freedom of religion.

Jeff Amyx, the store owner, is also a Baptist minister. I don’t know anywhere in the Bible that it says not to sell a wrench to a LGBT person.  Maybe this man doesn’t serve people of other faiths, like Jewish people. Does he serve adulterers? Wasn’t there something in the Ten Commandments about that?  I don’t know how business owners can know such facts about our private lives anyway, unless they have gaydar.

Chris Sanders, Chairman of the Tennessee Equality Project (TEP) says, “A few hateful business owners cannot stem the tide of the growing number of companies embracing equality. We have over 20 new members of Tennessee Open For Business from East TN.   So this hardware store doesn't define the region.”

My friend, Ernie Boyd, said in response to the USA Today article: “Can you imagine if a sign says, ‘No Baptist Ministers Allowed?’ He’d justifiably be upset. But, then again, he wasn't born a Baptist pastor. He chose to be one.”

Over 50 years ago, African Americans often couldn’t stop on road trips to eat in restaurants or use public bathrooms because they were barred from all-white establishments. There were laws against interracial couples as well. The Supreme Court finally intervened. 

I don’t want to live in a country where business owners can deny services solely based on their beliefs and assumptions about people.  The legality of denying customers is important but even more significant are the morality and ethics of excluding particular types of customers.

A business owner, Saralee Terry Woods voiced her opinion: “BookManBookWoman Bookstore welcomes everyone and we do not discriminate. One of the owners has been speaking out for gay rights in television and radio interviews for more than 30 years.  We have a Tennessee Equality Project sign on our front door.”  This is the kind of world I would like to live in.

Hedy Weinberg, the executive director of Tennessee’s chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union, says: “Gay and lesbian people are our neighbors, coworkers, family members and friends. When it comes to being able to be served by a business, they should be treated like anyone else. Religion should not be used as an excuse to discriminate against LGBT people. Businesses that are open to the public should be open to everyone on the same terms.”

My question to Mr. Amyx, the hardware store owner: “If you are a Christian, didn’t you grow up singing a song about Jesus loving ‘all the little children of the world?’”

Boys to Men: Home-grown American Violence

Disclaimer: Some of the following is true for all people, not just for males.

When a boy child is born, a celebration occurs. What happens after birth can result in violence.
We teach boys to play with “gender-appropriate” toys, like guns, trucks or swords. Boys may also choose such toys partially influenced by their hormones. Little boys are often taught not to cry when they are hurt, even as toddlers.

Boys are trained to compete and win whenever possible. Boys may be bullied by larger boys or by parents and coaches whose tones of voice or words can sound condemnatory: Don’t throw (or run) like a girl! Don’t be a sissie! Such words are quite meaningful and powerful to young, formative minds, especially when comparing boys’ skills to girls’.

Another: Don’t be the last one chosen for baseball or football. If boys are not natural athletes, fathers may reprimand or ignore them, even though the sons may perform brilliantly either academically or artistically.

Little boys soak up the words and actions of elders who praise sports celebrities and who watch TV shows and movies where the man takes all. Heroes are CEO’s, generals, coaches and sometimes clergy.

Some boys are abused emotionally, verbally, and physically by older kids, family members and churches. They are taught not to share their negative feelings, so they learn to detach from such feelings until a perfect storm occurs, when they may act out their rage, fear, or pain against others or themselves. We blame them for their “evil” actions.

But, we are also complicit. We prompt boys to play violent games like football and then usher them into the military and into law enforcement where they may act out legally in the name of freedom and safety.

Home-grown American violence is difficult to change because violence is a core value in our American culture. Compete to win no matter what it takes. Spank the bullies who terrorize kids and admonish them at the very same time not to act violently toward others.

Boys become men and some act in violent ways toward women through domestic abuse, sex trafficking and sexual assaults. Some white boys and men abuse minorities.

The good news is that Pat Shea, CEO of the Nashville YWCA, offers a solution. She says that we need to encourage men to help work on these issues of violence. We women have not been able to solve the problem of male violence. It takes men to stand up against violence and teach boys how to treat and respect themselves and others.

If you are committed to help change the violent nature of our society, please contact existing organizations focused on gun violence, domestic and sexual violence, and violence against the marginalized, impoverished, and minorities. Join with organizations like the YWCA, The Sexual Assault Center, the Brady Campaign (to prevent gun violence), and the NAACP, to decrease violence for all Americans. 

On Marriage Equality and the church

On June 12, 2015, Out & About Nashville published an article by James Grady about Middle Tennessee’s Episcopal bishop, the Right Reverend John Bauerschmidt, and his leading the charge against marriage equality for Episcopalians (https://outandaboutnashville.com/). I do not understand how a Christian bishop thinks about this issue theologically.

If this were just one man with one opinion, his views about this issue would not be so problematic. However, this bishop’s conservative stance contradicts many Episcopalians’ beliefs on social issues, especially regarding how we treat each other as human beings.

When I grew up in Mississippi as the daughter of an Episcopalian priest during the 1950’s and 60’s, we had no idea at that time that women would become priests one day. Now, my 92 year old mother and I attend St. Augustine’s Church on Vanderbilt’s campus where two women priests lead our services and preach the gospel. Becca Stevens at St. A’s preaches that “Love Heals.” I see no healing or loving compassion in denying the LGBT community (many of whom are Christians) equality in marriage.

I read the Bible as metaphorical stories about our yearning for the divine’s love and our sometimes difficulty with living as mortals, because we humans judge each other and sometimes fear those who are different from us. But, growing up with my church lady mother and my preaching dad, I was taught about how God loves all people, no matter what.

The Episcopal Church of the United States (ECUSA) often embraces LGBT people, and a task force has recently recommended resolutions that reword the church’s canon law, including changing language indicating that marriage is between a man and a woman, according to O&AN. However, Bauerschmidt and his co-authors wrote against the changes suggested by the report which “would render optional the traditional understanding that marriage is a ‘covenant between a man and a woman’ that is intended, when it is God’s will, ‘for the procreation of children’ (http://www.scribd.com/doc/268505585/Marriage-in-Creation-and-Covenant).”

Sarah Smith, a parishioner of St. Ann’s Episcopal Church and a candidate for Master of Theological Studies at Vanderbilt Divinity School, says: “In this logic, why then would we allow people that are past child bearing ages to marry or people who are biologically incapable? The argument doesn’t hold and there are so many more ways of being ‘procreative’ than bearing children through one’s body.”

I wonder: What Would Jesus Do (WWJD)? He taught us to love sex workers, and he blessed those who are weary, meek, sick, hungry or poor.

Although I don’t channel God like one U.S. President has, I have no doubt in my mind that our modern day Jesus would preach that all people have the right to marry, and that all people also have the right to equal pay, to food and shelter, to a fair justice system, and to love whomever they love. 

Justice and Fairness in Nashville

When I heard Metro Police Chief Steve Anderson speak earlier this year, I complimented him on how his police force handled Nashville’s first Ferguson protest last year.

When attending that evening event, I talked to an officer as a group of protesters began moving toward the interstate. All of the sudden, a media representative frantically ran up to this officer asking these questions: “What is happening and how are the police handling this? Any violence so far?” The officer calmly and seeming somewhat irritated replied, “These people have the right to speak out about their concerns, they have the right to protest. And, we are helping them do that safely.” I was very impressed with his response and a bit disgusted by the media person’s seeming frustration with his answer.

Fast forward to the present and The Tennessean’s report (June 2, 2015) about plans for Metro Police Headquarters to move to Jefferson Street. I am not sure how that decision was made but the article clearly states that the community has not felt included in the process.

The Justice for Jefferson Street Coalition has filed a civil rights complaint against the mayor’s office and the police department. Police, in general, are accused of racial profiling throughout our nation and data has been collected displaying how dark skinned people are arrested much more often than us white, privileged people.

I can just hear the responses of readers. Some will speak about how black and brown people break the law more than white people do, and how dare I argue that this is not a just system of enforcement? Please read Michelle Alexander’s book, The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness (2012) to clarify the facts of racial profiling. Ms. Alexander has researched how the United States has not really moved past slavery at all. Slavery is disguised more covertly now, and prison systems house our slaves. Even just reading brief reviews of the book will illustrate this fact.

A friend and one of the Justice for Jefferson Street Coalition members, Sekou Franklin, PhD, describes in the complaint that Metro government has violated the community’s rights by excluding civil rights organizations along with black colleges and universities from discussion about the options and plans for our police department’s move. The project was decided upon rapidly without much community input.

I don’t know about you, but I want to be proud of Nashville’s being the “It” city. Although there will always be disagreements between groups of people and plans for the city, I hope that the government will often seek input from our beloved communities especially when the impact on the community, its youth and families is so clear.

I ask Nashville’s government and its leaders to be fair and honest, and ask openly for community input. Then, we can all be proud of the process, even if we don’t happen to agree with the outcomes. 

Reactions about not only Caitlyn Jenner but Ourselves

Caitlyn Jenner. What more can be said than has already been reported, analyzed and sensationalized? What does her coming out as a transgender woman and the reactions to it say about our society, our values and our human nature?
Many of us have now read and seen many articles, news reports and media stories about Caitlyn’s life along with her Vanity Fair cover photo by Annie Leibovitz. How do we interpret the myriad of reactions to this event?


First, I would like to talk about all those who are not Caitlyn Jenner, those whose coming out has not been celebrated (or criticized) by the entire world. Those who have struggled often massively throughout their lives to deal with being and/or coming out as transgender, those who have suffered and have been ostracized, harmed and killed when people have suspected or learned about their gender identity. Too many transgender people have killed themselves partly because of the dire societal, vocational, and social ramifications about gender and sexual identities.
Along with the praise and celebration of Caitlyn’s coming out comes the horrible, outlandish comments made by some right wing conservatives who think we are headed for an apocalypse (http:/www.washingtonpost.com/politics/caitlynjenner-comes-out-and-republicans-fear-the- culture-was-is-lost/2015/06/04/aa*ccbbe-oade-11e5-9e39-odb921c47b93_story.html) The good news is some of our Democratic leaders, like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, have praised Caitlyn for her bravery. And, even some Fox newscasters have been supportive.

Jon Stewart, The Daily Show (6/2/2015), entitled his piece, “Brave New Girl.” (http:// thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/oekklq/brave-new-girl) Not only did he illustrate some of the media using descriptors for Caitlyn like “courageous “and “brave” but he also showed clips of angry, belligerent and abhorrent people talking about what an abomination Caitlyn’s story is. On June 4, 2015, the Washington Post published an article by Josh Cobia, a minister, entitled, “I went to church with Bruce Jenner, Here’s what Cailtyn Jenner taught me about Jesus (http:// www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2015/06/04/i-went-to-church-with-bruce- jenner-heres-what-caitlyn-jenner-taught-me-about-jesus/).” The reactions to Caitlyn are as varied and extreme as we are people.

One reaction that has appalled me about the news that Bruce is Caitlyn is that so many of the media are talking about her body, her sexiness, hot-ness, glamorousness and attractiveness, even female newscasters. They also mention her age as if she only has a little more time left before she is irrelevant to the public. In the past, when Bruce was a decathlon star and TV/ movie celebrity, married to a Kardashian of all people, similar media personnel described his former athleticism, his business sense, and his acting talents, not his body. Jon Stewart says, “Welcome to the world of being a woman in America, Caitlyn. “ What a world this is.

So, what’s really happening here? The good news is that our society is moving forward, becoming more and more accepting of people who are not mainstream, people who might differ from our white, heterosexist societal norm. Caitlyn says she wants to help others by talking openly about some of the issues in growing up transgender. Hopefully, that is happening now. At least people are discussing the topic and exploring their own feelings about their values, their beliefs and what is the “new normal.”

My hope is that the “new normal” will be a world in which everyone is accepted for whoever they are. No matter what their skin color, their gender, their sexuality, their religion (or the lack thereof), their size, their looks, and/or their mental or physical abilities. A world where there is less income inequality, where one group doesn’t judge or discriminate against another group based on misplaced hatred and fear but where people are willing to talk with others who may seem different. Where we try to understand other people rather than be quick to judge. To

know that what works for me isn’t necessarily what works for you. We can do better than what we have been doing. We can learn and grow, evolve as better types of human beings, even though we may often compare ourselves to others and may compete even until our dying days.

Let’s live in a world where we can have compassion for other people and try to understand how their thoughts, feelings and behaviors make sense in their worlds. We people can do terrible things to one another. If we each have a goal of coming to know ourselves as best we can, then we can hopefully look at others as being more like us than not, all struggling to live in a sometimes chaotic, crazy world where bad things happen to good people, and where people are sometimes filled with hate and fear, causing great damage to us all. 

To those who have lost a loved one to suicide

I am writing to you, the living. You who have experienced the suicide of a loved one, family member, partner or friend.

Last year, I attended a suicide walk in Nashville’s Music Row area, a time for those affected by suicide to gather and grieve together, and to raise money to help prevent suicide. We were given necklaces in a variety of colors connected to how we were related to those who had died, whether a friend, family member, partner, or child. It was upsetting to see so many people with not one necklace but several of different colors.

Recently, family and friends were shocked and stunned to find out that Kevin Watts had killed himself. What many people go through following a suicide includes much grief, sadness and also sometimes anger about the suicide. I want you to know that any feelings or thoughts that you are having about Kevin and his death are normal reactions to a tragic and horrifying situation. No one knows how they will react to a loved one’s death, especially not to a suicide.

One way some people handle such a tragedy is by questioning themselves, wondering what they missed, blaming themselves for not having seen the signs and not being able to prevent the suicide. I do not know Kevin or his family and friends although I have read a friend’s tribute to him as well as a piece written by the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network highlighting his death and how we need not stigmatize suicide nor keep it secret or silent. People need to know more and talk more about suicide in order to prevent it.

I am focusing on how the living can go on living, mourn and grieve death, and cope with such a tragedy. Family members and friends often beat themselves up about a suicide. They think they should have known it was going to happen and that they somehow could have prevented it.

But, none of us are mind readers, we can’t always know what goes on inside even our closest loved ones. Depression, anxiety and other forms of mental illness come in all sorts of flavors. We sometimes tend to notice those who are depressed when their symptoms include withdrawing, isolating, missing work, using too much alcohol or drugs, and/or having visible physical pain. We can see those symptoms.

We can also try to understand the reasons why someone has killed themselves and usually there are many important factors. Still, however, we may never really know why, because we can’t fully know any human being like they know themselves.

It is far harder to understand suicide when a person has seemed to be doing well, has seemed to handle life with a smile, and has continued to be engaged with family and friends. This type of person isn’t usually trying to lie about how they are feeling (although some are excellent actors and don’t want anyone to know the severity of their pain, or their plans). Some act out externally but others implode, directing harsh and negative feelings toward themselves, not others. The nature of depression itself can prevent people from reaching out, crying loudly in distress for others to see.

In fact, sometimes we witness a person seeming to feel better and we feel better in return. Even though we have given them close and careful attention when life seemed worse, we may back off a little.

The unfortunate truth is that sometimes people, who have fully decided to kill themselves, may go through a period of time feeling more peaceful and calm, knowing they will be ending their lives soon. The pain may even slip away as they plan the suicide. They are not trying to fool us, but they may honestly feel better temporarily.

Do not blame yourselves. Yes, we can help people enter treatment programs or find trained professionals hoping that they will benefit from such help. But, sometimes even then, suicide can occur.

What we can do is to offer ourselves to them, giving them all the support or assistance that they may need, but knowing that we are not in control of their decisions. If they push us away and refuse or resist such help, there is little we can do except to love them anyway, feeling compassion for them and concern about their suffering. Hoping that they can find new ways to decrease their pain and suffering while still living among us. 

Voting for a new Mayor in Nashville

Last week, a news report claimed that women in this country only make on average 77 cents for every dollar that men make.  And, women may not reach equal pay until 2058.  How tragic and strange.

Americans can create all kinds of technological feats but we also spend much of the U.S. budget on defense, building tanks and military equipment that are never used.  Why can’t we make better decisions about women’s equality, as well as about civil and human rights?

The U.S. views itself as the world’s number 1 country, and Nashville is the new “It” city.  But there continues to be much discrimination and inequality throughout.  Surely we can do better than this.

I attended an event for Megan Barry on March 29th, and the room was packed with supporters who want Ms. Barry to be Nashville’s next mayor.  Nashvillians Emmylou Harris, country music artist, and Connie Britton from Nashville on TV, both spoke on behalf of Megan, cheers rippling through the crowd. Nashville can design for itself a bright future, and we believe that Megan Barry can lead us there.

Ms. Barry has been a Metro Nashville and Davidson County Council Member since 2007, and she is the only mayoral candidate who has both business and government experience.

I will vote for Megan because she believes in improving the public education of our children, and wants to fully fund pre-K education in Nashville. She is also the only candidate who spoke out about voting “No” on Amendment 1 last year because she believes that women’s medical decisions should be left to women and their doctors instead of those decisions being made by politicians. And, she says it doesn’t matter who you love.

Megan also believes that “a city that thrives is a city that moves,” dedicating herself to a Transit vision that includes all modalities from bicycles to buses and more.  If Nashville is truly the “It” city then we need to pay attention to all of our citizens and not just to the wealthy and powerful.  Megan sponsored and passed a bill keeping guns out of parks, illustrating her strength and dedication to protecting our citizens from harm.  She has also participated in setting up the Affordable Housing fund and the budget for it.

Megan is a smart, enthusiastic leader for us all.  She closed this campaign event with something that she heard at church.  “Be grateful for the people who do things for you, not because they have to, but because they want to.”  I couldn’t agree more.  

Don’t let just 20% of our citizens select our leaders.  We all have the power in our hands to elect those who will serve us well, who will listen to us, and work for us. I urge you to vote in every election in Tennessee and in the nation after educating yourself as best you can about the candidates and their values.