A Plea for Rationality during Elections

Many variables exist when people vote or don’t vote during elections, very few of them having to do with rationality.

People often vote with their gut, a strong feeling about who or what is right or wrong. There are many studies about voting behaviors and at least one party seems to do a great job at convincing voters to vote sometimes against their own best interests, geniuses at marketing and playing upon people’s fear, and perhaps upon their hope and greed.

We all want the American Dream.  If the 1% has a bunch of money, then we want to vote for leaders who represent the 1% because we think that we may be able to achieve that Dream, too.  Unfortunately, these candidates are beholden to those wealthy 1% and will vote for tax benefits for them while asking for more taxes from the middle class and the poor. How does that  sync up with the best interests of the middle class or the poor?  What about voting for what is good for everyone and not just for what I think is good for me?  

Recently, Scott Aikin and Robert Talisse, Vanderbilt philosophy professors, spoke to the League of Women Voters about their new book, Why We Argue (And How We Should): A Guide to Political Disagreement. They discuss how we act upon beliefs about controversial moral issues. We watch and listen to the media. We devour sound bites without educating ourselves about what is real, factual and true.

Much brain research suggests that our first impressions about people are solid and don’t often change, even when we are presented with hard, cold facts.  Aikin and Talisse describe how we are influenced by the positive charisma of certain personalities.  If we watch a debate, we often believe what the most charismatic individual says even if he or she is inaccurate. Charm and even candidates’ good looks can win races on both sides of the aisle. We vote for the person or party much of the time and not about ideas or a platform of issues and planned actions.

Our country elects its leaders with a majority, so that a large portion of voters who voted against an elected candidate are miserable and dissatisfied, leading to terrible voter morale. Why vote at all?

It is a hard job to be an educated voter and election outcomes are highly influenced by the actions of those who don’t vote.  Tennessee recently had the lowest voter turnout except for Texas.  Why is that? 

Maybe partly because the poor can’t easily take 3 hours off from their jobs to vote. New early voting restrictions and voter ID laws rule out many, and some seem not to care.  Are we willing to live with laws decided by only 1/3 of our eligible voters?

Let’s do the hard work. Let’s look at all the facts, make rational decisions, and help everyone vote.

Violence Interrupted

The answers to decreasing violence in our society are not simple. There are many complicated, complex parts of our American system that need changing, and it will take us all working together to create and implement new ways to deal with violence within ourselves and between each other. 

As long as human beings walk the earth, some violence will occur.  Although we cannot eradicate all violence, we can manage our laws differently and focus on the mental and emotional health of our people to reduce the amount of tragedy among us.

Change begins with a shift in some of our beliefs about life and health. America teaches us that “healthy” often means “success” which can harm people and the earth. Some win and some lose. Competition reigns and only recently has collaboration been adopted as a possibly better way of doing business, supporting agreement instead of the winner takes all.  As long as there are people there will be conflict, and we should devote our attention to working through those conflicts nonviolently, if at all possible. Two of my hopes are reducing our own violence, verbally and physically, toward others and ourselves, and supporting laws that minimize access to assault weapons.

Unfortunately, when states like Tennessee and Georgia allow guns in all sorts of public places, then accidents, suicides, and impulsive acts and planned murders are more likely to occur. Also, as long as the large gap between the wealthy and the poor continues and as long as there is a death penalty, violence continues.

We live in a society that praises those who support both war and drone use with other countries, and who support violence within America in more subtle but no less harmful ways, like through increasing poverty by new laws and practicing different types of justice for the poor and the rich.

One belief that needs to be reexamined and changed: that girls'/women’s behavior prompts boys/men to violence.  If a male isn’t able to succeed whether by income, sexual prowess, vocationally, or socially, females are often blamed and accused, then targeted with violence. This is horrifying. We are grounded in a violent history: when the first settlers came to America, they moved and slaughtered our native people, displaying the greed that lives on today. Some of us take what we can get no matter that human beings or the earth suffer. This pattern is a circle. Violence begets anger, rage and despair which begets more violence.

Even though an antidote to violence may be compassion and love, all the love in the world will not completely stop violence.  Faith alone cannot stop violence.  We are a country full of bullies, angry, fearful, anxious and depressed people.  We need to deal with these feelings that so many share. Only if we work together will we have any chance of creating the space for a positive change in our current beliefs and in our systems.

Ending Life

As Tennesseans vote in this current statewide election, which includes voting on whether or not to preserve the right to privacy regarding women’s making their own decisions about reproductive health, we hear a new debate: whether or not people who are terminally ill have the right to make decisions about how they will die.

Voting No on Amendment 1 will help women, their families, and their doctors make careful decisions about abortion, whereas this newer debate concerns those who are suffering and dying horrific deaths.

Look at the cover of People magazine (http://www.people.com/article/Brittany-Maynard- death-with-dignity-compassion-choices). Young Brittany Maynard has chosen the time of her death. Her brain tumor and her move to Oregon have given her this choice. Doctors described her potentially terrible dying process and because of Oregon’s law, Brittany has decided to die with her friends and family on November 1st, choosing not to suffer needlessly during the last few months she has left to live.

Parents’ choosing whether or not to end a pregnancy is fraught with a great mixture of feelings, including agony and confusion. The decision to abort is not made carelessly nor easily by most women and families who face this crisis. This is a heartrending time that greatly impacts the mother and her family.

Some terminally ill patients who have been told that their deaths will be full of pain and loss of capacities, and that medical procedures will not be able to reduce this torture, can choose in just a few states to ask their doctors for a prescription they will use to end their lives. This is death with dignity, death that is far less painful and horrible for the patient, their families and friends.

Both abortion and physician-assisted death are very difficult decisions not to be made lightly.

How many of us have suffered while watching our beloved parents or friends go through a horrible process of dying? In the past, my father and adolescent brother had to hold my grandfather down while he was in the throes of great pain while he died from cancer. More recently, I had to hold my father down after doctors gave him medications that sent him into violent shaking prior to his death. These events leave ongoing scars and distress for all of us.

Human beings take death very seriously, and we all suffer when making such final decisions about life. Vote No on 1 during this current election, and then let’s talk about Tennesseans’ creating better laws that allow for dignity in the death of those who are suffering tremendously and who are actively dying.

An adolescent crime of extreme violence

A Hopkinsville, Kentucky 15 year old boy has allegedly been sexually assaulted by three men and two juveniles (with more arrests possible), leaving him with life-threatening injuries in an intensive care unit.  These 17 through 20-something year olds also allegedly videotaped the event then shared the video by cell phone. There is so much wrong about this tragedy, I am not sure where to start.  The topics to be explored are gang rape, voyeurism, the developmental stage of adolescence, and violence.  Alcohol and drug involvement is certainly a question as well.

First of all, there is nothing sexual about sexual assault.  This is not gay sex nor any type of consensual sex.  This is a violent action toward a young boy by older boys when the younger boy was perhaps unconscious. Without knowing all the details about the relationship between the victim and his perpetrators, or the motivation for this particular criminal act, we can say that this primitive, gang or mob-like behavior is related to issues of “power over” another, violence, and rage.

This kind of violence happens in our culture that was born in violence specifically with the genocide of American Indians by European settlers.  Our society continues to promote physical violence in all sorts of ways from war mongering in the name of freedom to football as a national sport, rewarding its celebrities with riches while damaging their brains and bodies for our benefit. I am reminded of The Hunger Games, a metaphor for this type of violence: violence as entertainment for the public designed to distract us from the harsh realties of life. We are all somewhat complicit in such violence by our votes, or lack thereof, and by our acceptance of violence as the status quo.

Emotional violence is another matter. Competition reigns in our world. Emotional violence can be extremely damaging, prompting enormous anxiety, depression, fear and paranoia.  These kids, the victim and the perpetrators, are all products of our culture of violence. Each person involved in this event will suffer huge consequences to be played out the rest of their lives.

Sharing the videotape relates to voyeurism and bullying, male bonding, competition and humiliation.  Perhaps some of the perpetrators have been sexually assaulted themselves but this is still a tragic crime.  Rage can result from such victimization. Peer influence also impacts behavior, and explains how even “good” boys can participate in acts of horror when they take their lead from alpha males. 

This kind of gang behavior and single sexual assaults are found in every community in our nation, and especially on college campuses.  Alcohol and drug use increase such violence.  Ours is a drinking society where alcohol is not only well accepted but supported.  Alcohol itself is still legal whereas other, less harmful drugs are not. Football viewers get drunk on Sunday football afternoons, resulting in increased acts of domestic violence toward women.  We also have to wonder about how the levels of testosterone in males influence mood resulting in irritability and increased anger and hostility.

I have not heard speculation about the boys’ sexualities, nor does it matter.  Remember that rape is rape and is about violence not sex. Using a object to sodomize a young boy, perforating his colon and damaging his bladder both illustrate the severity of this particular violent act. How this event has damaged this young boy’s psyche is a longer and perhaps more tragic story as it follows him the rest of his life.  And, by the way, why isn’t there more media attention given to this crime?

Sharing the sexual assault by video is a violation itself. Adolescents’ brains are not fully formed and they have not yet developed the full brain function needed to make good decisions. They often act out recklessly and riskily, sometimes forever changing their lives with poor decisions they have made during this fragile period of human growth and development.  Death and injury are prominent in this age group.

There is no recipe for who becomes a perpetrators or a bully, but there are some characteristics of adolescence and family dynamics that contribute to the likelihood of such violence.  Add in alcohol and drugs, and a perfect storm can arise.

If you know anyone who has been raped violently, you know that this one act has changed them forever. You can’t undo Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Yes, there are mental health treatments, alternative therapies and techniques that can help victims survive and learn to deal with their shame and horror.  And, the impact spreads, affecting not only them but their families and friends, neighborhoods and cities, creating much fear about safety for our young people.  What can we do about this kind of violence perpetrated on our children by kids not much older than they?  Let us shine the light on such treacherous acts and work together on violence in our culture.

A Hidden Epidemic: Homeless LGBT Youth

Living here in the Bible belt and across the nation, the LGBT community often experiences a hostile environment, illustrated by this current sign in Portland, TN: http://www.fox17.com/news/features/top-stories/stories/antigay-billboard-portland- tenn-causes-controversy-23516.shtml  Some say this “concerned Christian” group is expressing their freedom of speech, but we know that this kind of billboard promotes fear, societal shame, and anger, especially toward all of the youth who view it.

Chris Sanders, Chair of the Tennessee Equality Project (TEP), says of this signage, “We are obviously concerned about how these messages contribute to LGBT youth homelessness... At their best, faith communities can bring people together around shared values. This [billboard] message is divisive and picks on vulnerable gender and sexual minorities in an area where there are few resources.” Chris adds that this kind of religious fervor can motivate parents to eject their LGBT kids from their homes, prompting severe psychological and physical distress, which is sometimes fatal.

A recent Rolling Stone article points out that while life gets better for millions of gays, the number of homeless LGBT teens keeps growing:  http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/features/the- forsaken-a-rising-number-of-homeless-gay-teens-are-being-cast-out-by-religious- families-20140903  In the Rolling Stone article, when a young college student told her pious parents she was gay, one answered: "I don't know what we could have done for God to have given us a fag as a child.” Although this young woman hoped her parents would come around in time, they completely cut off all emotional and financial support to her. She was left with nothing. The Rolling Stone further reports that social service workers believe that family rejection partially explains that an estimated 40% of the homeless youth population are LGBT when they make up only 5 % of the total youth population. More kids come out earlier to their parents than in the past and teens are cast out out of their homes prior to finishing high school. LGBT kids are seven times more likely than their straight counterparts to be the victims of crime, often violent ones.

When young people are rejected so completely by their parents, imagine the toll on the child. Their once loving, supportive parents now turn their backs on these young people, prompting much suffering. During the past several years, the LGBT movement has focused on laws around marriage equality, changing 'don't ask, don't tell,' and obtaining adoption rights but hasn't been dealing as much on the homeless youth epidemic. The tide may now be changing.

LGBT youth are at risk because they often lack access to medical care, they attempt suicide, use hard drugs, and are more likely to be arrested for survival crimes. Some turn to survival sex. Also, for children who have grown up in sheltered, religious homes, their ability to cope with and handle homeless life is significantly decreased. And, if a child chooses to stay in the closet so parents won’t resort to extreme measures, they often suffer from depression, panic attacks, and sometimes get suicidal while they live a lie with great fear of being found out. This is no way for a child to develop into a healthy adult.

The bad news is that in June 2014, Nashville’s Oasis Center was forced to close its Transitional Living (TL) program due to the lack of available funding sources. Three years ago, Oasis lost federal funding for the TL program which had been functioning since 1992. Prior to June of this year, Oasis spent more than $700,000 to cover the federal funding loss, according to Pam Sheffer, Program Director for Just Us @Oasis Center.

The good news is that Pam is trying to coordinate several Nashville shelter programs to increase their access to homeless youth by initiating a Task Force to develop plans for youth’s immediate needs, like places to sleep: #streetfreesleep. Although many have already joined the Task Force and have volunteered to create solutions to this problem, Pam would love to have more people involved. The Task Force has developed mid-term and long-term goals as well. Please contact Pam if you would like to help out in any number of ways: psheffer@oasiscenter.org, (615)-327-4455.

We are all in this together. We need to help our LGBT youth experience hope and find better ways to live without so much risk of danger, marginalization poverty and misery. What are you willing to do to help out? 

Blaming the Victim

How easy it is to blame the victim.  Most of us have made that mistake even when we don’t believe in doing so. How does this happen?

When bad things occur, whether it is sexual assault, domestic violence, police brutality, or plain ole bullying, we wonder: did the victim participate in this tragedy in some way?  Is he or she partially responsible?

We human beings want to discover any and all explanations possible about how an act of violence happens.  Yes, we blame the perpetrator primarily.  No child asks to be sexually assaulted by a parent.  No woman asks to be knocked out in an elevator. No black boy in the street asks a white cop to kill him even if he is noncompliant. 

So, why then do we wonder if Janey Rice had something to do with her husband’s punching her out cold?  Why do we wonder if Michael Brown had done anything approximating the severe punishment of being killed by a white cop?  We are a frightened and vulnerable people, sometimes paranoid while living in a world where terrorists behead Americans and Brits, and where college frat boys rape young women just because they can.

We want to control whatever we can, we want to protect ourselves and our children, and some of us also want to protect the poor, and brown and black males who are targeted far too frequently by the police.  We want to explain how these tragedies can occur and once we understand the dynamics, we fantasize that perhaps we can prevent this from happening.

We also find ourselves evaluating and judging victims unconsciously, without intending to do so.

The police seem to have their own code of ethics and have covered up for each other when “accidents” or mistakes occur.  We still wonder about the victims, hoping that they did just one thing to provoke their perpetrators, so that we can tell ourselves that if only we don’t do that one thing, we and/or our kids will be safe.  Not so.

A violent crime can happen to any of us, no matter who we are or how much money we have.  What is important is for us to provide support, services and thorough investigations into violent acts without prejudice toward any one group or funding source. We need to stop our sloppy police and justice work that ignores victims’ rights and justice for all.

We also need to explore our own biases, our beliefs about who did what to whom and why.  There are so many variables that enter into a criminal act, much should be examined instead of our developing hasty and uninformed conclusions.

Blaming the victim is too simple and ignorant.  Let us educate ourselves and others so that we can develop a wider lens to view these problems instead of blaming the victim and letting the perpetrator off one too many times.

Domestic Violence: Inside a Man's Head

We cannot decrease domestic violence without first getting inside men’s heads.  I do not condone physical violence of any sort, but until we understand the abuser, we cannot change the pattern.

I am not defending men’s actions. It is always wrong to hit others, but our culture also contributes to this problem.  Our country fights other countries in the name of freedom and liberty, politicians fight, and boys fight on the playground. Women may learn to fight with their words more than with fists, but boys and men are often taught to fight back physically.

A man leaves work, a bad day.  His boss told him that his job may be cut.  He is the primary breadwinner, having agreed that his wife stay home with their 3 kids.  If he loses his job, what will happen, what about their debts?  One of his few enjoyments in life is going to the neighborhood bar on his way home, drinking a beer, or six.

His wife texts, asking where he is. He texts her that he is at his mother’s and will be home soon.  Later, as he walks in the door, his house is a mess, the children are loud, the baby is crying, and his wife looks like a homeless woman, trying to cook amidst this chaos.  He growls, throws down his jacket and grabs a beer from the refrigerator.  His children shrink away and go to their rooms.  His wife asks him again where he has been, claiming that she called his mother who hasn’t seen him.

A flood of shame and rage assaults him both from his wife’s shouting and from inside his own head. He is not hallucinating but he loathes himself while hearing these phrases: “You good for nothing drunk!  Why can’t you make more money, we can’t live on your pitiful salary!   If you were a real man, you would ask for a raise.  What’s wrong with you?”  He feels like a failure and has always been told he would never amount to anything.  His wife’s voice colludes with his own internal voices: “Why are you always so mad, why do you drink so much?”

The man finishes his beer and tries to drive away in the car.  His wife pulls his arm, begging him not to go, that he might get a DUI. He doesn’t care, he might as well be dead instead of live one more moment making himself and everyone miserable. No one cares about him except for his money.  His wife won’t sleep with him anymore, and his kids look at him with fear and hatred. All he wants to do is say “STOP!”  But, that isn’t manly, it’s shameful and weak. He lashes back not with his words but his fist.

What can we do to help this man and his family?  What services or interventions might change some of the variables that create this perfect storm of domestic violence?