Friday, November 3, 2017

"Me, Too? Time for Change"

I am glad that the Harvey Weinstein sexual harassment charges have stirred up this nation and the planet. Men with power assaulting women has been such a normal way of life, a shock may help us create a cultural change, a shift from tolerating to criminalizing this closeted behavior.

The new allegations that Weinstein hired Israeli private intelligence investigators, like Black Cube, to intimidate and to get dirt on some of this victims is not only appalling but clearly illustrates the gravity of his crimes, exemplifying extraordinary behavior.

I have often heard, “Boys will be boys,” while living in a society where this type of “power over” others happens far too frequently.

The ”Me, Too” Movement has prompted most women to review their lives for such assaults, some memories being very clear and some not so much.  Trauma affects our brains, spirits, and bodies in interesting and painful ways whether a man “just” puts his tongue in an unwilling mouth or conducts a violent rape.  Trauma is trauma.

Many men may be feeling nervous and worried, asking themselves if the whistle may be blown on them.  Even worse are men who won’t even imagine that they could be identified as a sexual assailant.  They tell themselves that a relationship was consensual or that because they married their secretary or nurse, there was no offense. Isn’t it OK to touch an employee’s body without asking, imagining she wants it?

In 1976, I was a 5’ tall, 24 yr old small woman, he a 6’ tall, 45 yr old large man, a graduate school professor at a well-respected university with a scholarship available.  Having worked with him before and because some professionals I trusted seemed to hold him in high esteem, I inquired about the scholarship. We decided to dine at the Gerst House but met at his Green Hills apartment.  After serving bourbon on the rocks, he kissed me. Big tongue, big man.  I suggested we move toward supper while he pouted but agreed.  Needless to say, I didn’t get the scholarship.  The good news is that I had said “no” indirectly, and he didn’t push too hard.

I am not sure what helped me say “no” to him and to a few other powerful men in my life. Not being desperate for the scholarship and having supportive parents both helped.  I didn’t have to compromise my values or my body because I am privileged in many ways and he was smart enough not to overpower me.

Are these men just little boys begging their mothers to praise and adore them, displaying their extreme neediness and insecurities? Are these men so frail and feel so badly about themselves that they need extreme adoration and worship, asking women to pleasure them physically because they are desperate for illustrations of their power? Where is the line between crime and consent?  Don’t we women learn early and well to submit or to please to get what some of what we want?

Some men’s methods for building self esteem are disgusting, deplorable, and deceitful, manipulating if they have power over their prey.  Women often suffer even when some women are attracted to men in power.  But, that's another story.

Why do these predatory, powerful men continue to assault and sexually harass women?  Because they can.  Because they can also afford to settle complaints out of court and keep women quiet.

I ask women and men to change this pattern, knowing it will take time and much effort because in our lifetimes, unfortunately, it has always been this way.

Saturday, September 2, 2017

A Letter to Mayor Barry, Metro Council and Nashville citizens

Dear Mayor Barry, Metro Council Members and Nashville citizens,

Did you know that NOAH (Nashville Organized for Action and Hope) and Community Oversight Now have been working together on creating a Community Oversight Board (COB)?

Did you know that most other major U.S. cities have such boards?

Do you know what a Community Oversight Board is and why we need one?

Some history: The Metro Nashville Police Department (MNPD) has an internal investigatory group that explores citizen complaints, the Office of Professional Accountability, which rules against citizens over 98% of the time.  Many Nashvillians don't file complaints because they fear police power and possible harsh repercussions.

Only recently has the MNPD discarded training textbooks recommending aggressive action against citizens, especially those of color.  A report, “Driving While Black,” found that blacks are disproportionately targeted for police stops and searches.

An external group needs to police our police so that we don’t end up like cities who experience extreme violence following controversial police killings. Our Board will not end crime but if police are trained to handle citizens more fairly and decently, then less criminal activity may occur. When people don’t trust the police, they sometimes act out in violence.

This proposed Community Oversight Board (COB) calls for a new Metro agency governed by a community-representative board, staffed with professionals. The COB will investigate community allegations of police misconduct and conduct policy review for Davidson County’s Criminal Justice system. 

Most professions have an oversight board. Restaurants, health care providers, and even barbers have licensing boards that regulate and investigate allegations of unhealthy food or abuse, protecting the public.

When other major cities have created well-funded boards like COB, excellent results occur.  The Department of Justice after reviewing Nashville’s systems and a recent Grand Jury have both recommended a citizen’s advisory board so that police actions are better investigated.

Martin Luther King, Jr. recommended community oversight in the 1960’s. Nashville rose up in horror after Jocques Clemmons was killed by a police officer in Nashville on February 10, 2017. A 20-page report from the MNPD justified the officer’s behavior and no charges were filed. Many friends, teachers and family members have publicly shared their grief about this young man’s unnecessary death. Thankfully, protests have been nonviolent.


If a COB is created, neutral community citizens and staff will investigate and make recommendations about allegations of police brutality.  Mr. Clemmons might still be alive today if officers had more incentive to monitor their behaviors, if not for the common good then because they may be tried and convicted of crimes.  Police should not be given carte blanche to hurt our citizens.

Mayor Barry and Metro Council members, please pass this proposal to create better trust  in our police officers so they can better perform public safety duties and not prompt such fear and distrust. Help the MNPD treat all community members more fairly and justly.

Friday, August 25, 2017

A Fairy Tale of Hope and Justice

Once upon a time, there lived two children named Hansel and Gretel who had endured much stress and trauma: abandonment, a witch, a sugary house, an oven, fearing for their grim lives. Starving and homeless, they ran into the wrong kind of person who lied to them and tried to destroy them.

Hansel and Gretel grew up stronger because of these tragedies but not without lingering PTSD symptoms. They got jobs, married nice partners and had children. For awhile, life seemed peaceful, fun and satisfying.

Then in 2016, a darkening cloud descended upon the land. An eclipse of the worst sort. Hobgoblins and villains lurked everywhere and a new leader was elected to rule.

How did a werewolf get elected, a monster who gobbled up little children and old people?  Even the bravest in the land would not stand up to this werewolf, fearing that he would destroy their lives by his sinister sickness.  There’s no dealing rationally with a werewolf.

The behemoth sprouted ugly, orange hair and became well known for tweeting like a tiny bird, spewing out his venom upon anyone or anything that he couldn’t control. This beast wanted to be a king, or god, someone who ruled the seas, the air, the health care system and the whole planet.

Fire and brimstone, floods, locusts, disease and death rained upon the earth with no place to hide or escape. 

Until one day, Hansel texted Gretel and told her to meet him at Jeni’s Ice Cream store.  There, Hansel and Gretel created a plan about how to save the world from this crazy, treacherous evildoer, a strategy to rob him of his power.  Even knowing they must risk their lives to save all of humanity, they kissed their partners and children goodbye, and entered the dark, scary woods, full of the KKK, white supremacists and armed neo-Nazis.

Somehow protected by a heavenly veil, they witnessed a light beaming down. Kneeling, they gazed upwards and uttered these words in perfect harmony (remembering that prayers leave no fingerprints):  “Divine Goddess, we beg you for help.  We are nonviolent and we hope you can save us from this werewolf, freeing us all to be become even more peaceful and harmonious than we have ever experienced. We beseech you to end our misery and pain. Protect the children, the elderly, the hungry, sick and poor. Transform Trump so he can do no more harm.  And, then, put a woman of color in charge of this land, one who is smart, trustworthy and kind, made in your image, oh Goddess.  We promise we will work hard to help her and we hope to become more compassionate with all people. Amen.”

The Goddess replied, “A piece of (chocolate) cake!” Then came a blast from the heavens as the almighty One turned Trump back into the toad that he had always been. And everyone lived happily ever after. Even Trump. 

The End

Monday, June 19, 2017

Guns, Heroes and Public Safety

As I read the Father’s Day Tennessean article about a Christiana man becoming a hero after helping capture Georgia fugitives, I found myself confused and puzzled (

Generally, I don’t like guns because of dangers like children and adults ending up dead or forever changed by gun accidents and because some people choose to mow down large numbers of people, including children.  But, everyone likes a hero, even me. This man handled his gun responsibly and helped catch two dangerous men.

The last time I wrote a Tennessean OpEd about men and their guns, I received more responses than ever before  ( Some called me crazy or a lousy liberal or just someone ignorant about weapons. I agree with the last description.

I also received responses from at least 3 Tennessee and Texas men who wrote about the joy of shooting and their responsible use of guns. Each offered that if I would come visit them, they would teach me to shoot and that I would probably enjoy it. I didn’t take them up on their offers but appreciated their enthusiasm.

Since that time, I have attended a gun show in Lebanon, TN. Amazing. I talked with lots of friendly and peaceful-acting men and women in a large building browsing all types of guns and every accessory imaginable. Aisle upon aisle of armored vests, T shirts, caps, ammunition and so much more, like women’s purses for carrying weapons safely and responsibly.

One female seller encouraged me to buy a purse because “you don’t want to leave home without your weapon!” Truth be told, I recently found out that my great aunt carried her pistol whenever she drove in her car in Atlanta.

I watched women and men proudly carrying their unloaded guns throughout the building.  All acted responsibly.  I realized that I had known little about this part of gun culture before.

I told a few friends and colleagues about attending the gun show, and one colleague told me how she loved to shoot.  Another admitted she had a gun for protection.  Having grown up in the South in a hunting family, I wondered why I seemed so naive?

I apologize for having written sarcastically about gun owners’ self esteem and/or their possible lack of confidence in my past OpEd.  I still don’t know how we can create a safer society when so many people are walking around with guns even though the “good” gun owners will say that carrying weapons helps keep us all safe.

Guns are still a public health hazard especially when parents act irresponsibly and accidents happen.  I can appreciate the safety guns sometimes offer, but the inherent danger and the ease of purchasing guns still create extreme risk of tragedy.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

From an Adversarial, Competitive Culture toward a Collaborative, Cooperative One

In Nashville, almost 400 people from around the country came together in May 2017, for one reason only: to talk about Cohousing. Participants at the Cohousing Association of the United States’ National Conference discussed topics like creating better connections between people, highlighting diversity, inclusivity and sustainability, communicating compassionately, and developing effective ways to handle conflict, a normal human dynamic between individuals, families, and nations. 

Is Cohousing a commune, a religious cult, a left-leaning political group? Or, a bunch of crazy, aging hippies? 

Nope. Cohousing is a movement about people who are interested in finding new ways to live together and share common resources. Cohousing includes working together while planning, developing and forming a community of people who do not share income but share some living spaces while each family also owns separate and private places. 

Nashville boasts one current Cohousing Community, Germantown Commons, and another community is being formed. Germantown Commons is the first of its kind in Tennessee, but many cities and rural areas around the country include Cohousing communities. Each group has some similar characteristics along with differences about how the groups choose to live together, and we often share some common values. 

Values like supporting each other throughout the life cycle. Germantown Commons is a multigenerational, intentional community where members share enjoyment together, community work, and a belief that our world can be a better place. Instead of living in separate houses where we owned lawn mowers, sprinklers, yards, and gardens, we share those and other items, like a Common House for activities and shared meals at times. 

In Cohousing we make decisions by consensus which may seem tedious to some but an adventure for others, where all voices get heard and hopefully understood. 

We embrace values like empathy and compassion for each other, along with composting. When our youngest needs child care, we pitch in. When our elderly experience medical problems, we help them out. When kids need a tutor, we have some among us. 

Before you get disgusted and stop reading this description of supposed paradise, note that while we aspire to embody these values and qualities, we sometimes fall short because we are human beings, with human needs and feelings, which sometimes bump up against those of others. 

Germantown Commons spent many years in its development stage and we are still young in the process of living together, almost two years for some. We run into the same sorts of issues and concerns that any community or family does, but we hope that by joining together and committing to each other, we can help all of us grow and learn. 

We also hope to change from a culture that is adversarial, hierarchical and competitive to one that is more collaborative and cooperative one day and one person at a time. Visit us at, or

Monday, March 6, 2017

“I Am Not Your Negro"

 “Nothing can be changed until it is faced.” ~JB

Please watch the documentary, “I Am Not Your Negro.” James Baldwin states that the…”story of the Negro in America is the story of America. It is not a pretty story.”

Some of us white people feel guilt and shame about how privileged we are and how much suffering we and our ancestors have inflicted upon those with darker skin. Then - and now. Are we helpless to change even when we try?  Some describe the “white” race as only a social construct anyway, but we Americans continue to refine our national stigmata.

Such narcissism and creative license. Few people are purely white and the global majority is a fine blending of skin colors. Now, immigrants of all colors enter America subject to a new style of slavery.  We can continue to be apathetic and ignorant, or face our (white) terror of losing power.

James Baldwin asked us white people to ask ourselves why we have needed and still need to have black bodies serve us? Perhaps land grants given to early settlers prompted the need for workers but why OWN people?  Buying and selling people to each other has been an horrific blight on our nation.

We white people can attempt to ally ourselves with our African American brothers and sisters but even then, we liberal and progressive elite often make clumsy mistakes. Our “assistance” sometimes looks like white men trying to rescue damsels in distress because they think the damsels cannot help themselves.  How condescending and patronizing.

This documentary illustrates white perpetration of violence and the murder of African Americans.  I wish this was only about our past, a history of which we are ashamed and grievous.  But, this is NOT only about our past.  It is about our present day even if in more subtle, cloaked forms.

The overly white justice system and white police still kill black and brown boys and men in large numbers.  When they are not murdered by us, we lock them up for petty crimes, throwing away the key, so that even if a person of color gets a traffic ticket that they cannot pay, they can end up imprisoned because they cannot earn enough money to pay large penalties. Locking up huge numbers of black and brown boys and men continues slavery today.

African American children are educated in a school to prison pipeline system and too many kids end up also incarcerated, or dead in the streets, just like their predecessors.

No racism in this nation?  We are all racists, having grown up in this culture, this America where white overpowers black every moment of every day in the work place, in schools, in the government, everywhere. 

Listen to James Baldwin speak about his fear and prediction that only a revolution may change this continual white terrorism of the soul, bodies, minds, and spirits of our black and brown citizens. “We must not sit down and do nothing.”

Monday, January 30, 2017

A letter to President Trump

  " And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."  Anais Nin

Dear President Trump, your Cabinet and Supreme Court nominees,

I would like to ask you some questions.  Then, please tell me how you make your decisions based on your answers:

1. You have daughters, wives, sisters, and mothers.  Have you or any of these females ever used birth control to help plan your families?  Have any of these females had accidental pregnancies or pregnancies involving life-threatening, medical problems?
2. Have you ever had a pal or colleague who came from a different country? Have you known well anyone of a different race than you?
3. Were you raised in a religious family that teaches that we should love our neighbors as ourselves, especially the little children?  And that pride is a seductive sin?
4. Have you cared about anyone who loved a person of their same gender?
5. Have you accessed health care for you or your families?  Most of you have so much money that perhaps you aren’t aware of those not like you, who barely scrape by, whose medical problems have caused tragic bankruptcies, some never recovering from their lack of affordable healthcare. You solicited their votes and offered healthy change.
6. Did you attend public schools or universities? Do you drive on streets and interstates?  Did you ever take your children to a public library?  Do you appreciate fire and police departments, and other services that provide safety during emergencies? Are these democratic socialist institutions?

If you answered “yes” to any question, I wonder then why you want to overturn Roe v. Wade, or how you think abortions can be decreased while reducing funding to the very organizations who offer medical care and family planning services?

Are you worried that women, LGBTQ people and immigrants are taking over the country, being elected to leadership positions, and that you rich, white men might not profit quite so much or might lose your power while implementing torturous, violent policies that most Americans disagree with?  Do you know that your grandchildren’s education will focus on teaching them to get along and work with people who are different from you?

But, maybe you don’t want your daughters to succeed except on the arm of a man. Can they not develop power or fortune for themselves?  Are you petrified of progress and fear you will fall from grace?

Please look deeply within and realize that you can prosper in America as it changes. Please listen to Americans who have more humane values than you.

In fact, President Trump, talk to those who elected you. And, don’t be fooled.  They all don’t want walls, and most don’t even like your bonding with Russia. Although they may have been misguided in voting for you, they want a healthy, profitable and safe country, and there are many better ways to get there than by your recent executive orders and policies. 

Perhaps the more you resist change, the farther you will fall. Surely you want something better for yourselves.