Why Cohousing?

Why would anyone choose to live in a cohousing community?  After all, living so close to people can be challenging. I have close friends who think my husband and I are a bit whacked that we moved into Germantown Commons 3 years ago.  Why would we (or you) do that?

We might all agree with the impressiveness of a multigenerational community that believes in sustainable living, composting, compassionate communication, diversity of all sorts, social justice, and caring about one another.  But, when you consider living in a cohousing community, there is more to life than just these wonderful values.  In fact, some of what brings us together can also pull us apart at times.

Many of us grew up in families, even good ones like mine.  And, perhaps that helped me imagine what a cohousing community is like.  But, not really.  In a modern American family, parents or guardians make most of the decisions for the family, even though they may seek input from the children.  Not so in cohousing.  Therefore, what our experience has taught us may not appear to be that useful when making consensus decisions with our peers, other community members that have as much a stake in decisions as we do. No more hierarchy, more equality.  After all, we each buy our own condos, participate in the work of the community, and we spend much time and energy helping make our policies and procedures as streamlined and effective as possible.

But, you might say that there are always personality conflicts in every group.  Exactly! Conflict does occur along with shared responsibilities, fun and enjoyment of ourselves and one another.  

So, if you like living in your private space, your own home with your own property, cohousing may not be for you. I, myself, loved living in several of my family’s private homes with our fenced in backyards for the dogs. I liked the amount of space we had where our 3 member family could stretch out and enjoy privacy and togetherness without too much hassle.

However, when we think about cooperative living and actually embark on the cohousing path, there are lots of variables to consider. Yes, it is great that we don’t have to own our own lawn mowers or every kind of cookware necessary.  It is wonderful when we are cooking that we have 25 other homes nearby where we can ask for eggs or spices to complete our meals.  We enjoy a 2600 square foot Common House which we co-own, where we can cook with each other and enjoy meals and parties together - when we choose to do so. Respecting each other’s privacy is extremely important and we try not to make up stories about people who seem standoffish or too domineering.

We all enjoy our separate lives, but we no longer have to drive across town to have coffee or a drink with a friend. We meet each other’s families and get to know best those people we enjoy the most.  At times, community business meetings can be a bit stressful, but I think of cohousing living like this: it is similar to getting involved in an intimate relationship, which hopefully contains some joy and excitement as well as comfort - and sometimes conflict, which we attempt to work through.

How lovely it is to walk my dog every morning and see a couple of neighbors outdoors when I open my courtyard door!  Seeing a smile, getting a hug, or even a brush off at times, works for me.  If I want more privacy, I leave by another door where there are fewer eyes and neighbors.

Why live in cohousing? Because we want to. Because we want to challenge ourselves, to grow more healthy and find ways to live together in community with some unlike ourselves, to learn how to be compassionate even when someone’s behavior is annoying. To get to know people on a deeper level than I ever got to know any of my past neighbors over many years. To have people around if I am sick, upset or just plain ole lonely, and to learn about people from other types of backgrounds than my own, finding them fascinating and often loveable.

If you are like me and interested in cohousing, I advise you to do what my husband and I did even though our process took a long time. When Germantown Commons was forming, designing, financing, and building this lovely community, we often joke that we “flirted” with this community for a year. The next year, we “dated” them, getting to know some of them better, participating in potlucks and meetings. And, then the third year, we “married” them. 

I sometimes wonder if we will grow old in this community, and like with any relationship, I have learned more about myself than I sometimes care to know. My weaknesses and strengths are more apparent than ever before.  But, if not growing and developing, what is there to life? You will have to answer that question for yourself!