One of our esteemed Congress members recently tweeted a quotation from Desmond Tutu: "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor." Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez encourages us all to speak out, particularly when there is so much corruption, dysfunction and sickness in our nation.
The list of current horrors is immense. Our government as a whole supports: torture of children and adults, separation of families, growth of the huge businesses of sex trafficking and private prison corporations that offer big profits while people suffer - just to name a few. Our President lies on average several times a day and Republican Congress members will not stand up to his poisonous talk and monstrous policies. Climate change is increasingly dangerous, and women are no longer allowed to be in charge of their bodies while trying to protect their current children from harm.
Racism and violence are encouraged by our president’s use of language, his impulsive, child-like tweets continue to embarrass us all over the world. Many people are afraid to go out in public concerned that some (usually) white young man will spray them with bullets. No safety anymore with weapons of mass destruction at angry, young men’s fingertips. No illusion of safety, either.
We cannot go on this way. We cannot listen to the news on a daily basis because we hear and see so much horror that we lose our balance and our hope. A revolution needs to occur, so that we can begin to tackle so many of these very real tragedies.
People all over our nation, including you and me, continue living with this now chronic terror, this continuous battle of partisan politics and some people’s voting directly against their own needs and interests. Corporate money and foreign countries buy our elections and Jeffrey Epstein’s death suggests that even alleged criminals cannot be protected well enough so that justice is served.
In 2016 we elected as president a horrid example of a human being who is affecting us all by his powerful choices about policies and about those who work for him, including new supreme court justices and figures like William Barr, who acts in direct opposition to how his role is defined. Barr is just a robot, carrying out Trump’s agenda instead of protecting the masses in this crazy upside down nation. And, no one stops him. How many more Trump employees need to be convicted before Trump is prohibited from more disastrous actions?
We can be complicit or we can work together to take action. If you have no idea about how to begin getting involved in a revolution of justice, please google any number of organizations that need your help. From immigrant rights to white supremacy to health care reform, there are current local, state and national groups trying to combat the criminal behaviors of our government and its people. Please help us. We need you all.
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
Wednesday, May 22, 2019
Calming Traffic, a public health and safety hazard
Having lived mostly in the Hillsboro/West End/Belmont area of town, I began walking daily
with a group of friends 30 years ago. We walked every day except for two in a two year time
span, dedicated to each other and enjoying the outdoors. I even married one of my fellow
walkers.
Fast forward to 2019, and although much has stayed the same, much has changed. Friends have come and gone, we have worked hard, and we have aged. Our neighborhood streets are now clogged with traffic, a public health and safety hazard. Recently, some of our former walking group members began walking regularly again. But this time, we risk danger every time we step out onto our street with cars whizzing past, no sidewalks, no bike lanes, no easy ways to make a change to slow down the traffic.
We have contacted our Metro council member who says that traffic studies have been ordered and conducted during the past few years. We are attending neighborhood meetings so that we can empower ourselves and our elected officials to find and implement solutions.
This is not just an elitist problem though, unique to our neighborhood. All over Nashville, residents are asking for more assistance, for more sidewalks, bike lanes, stop signs and traffic calmers to create more safety for all of its residents. It breaks my heart to see a mother struggling with her baby carriage walking on a 12 inch wide space on a busy street, risking her and her baby’s lives. I hope that another tragedy does not happen before some necessary changes are made.
Even when driving, with all the construction and repair happening these days, it is hard to get to where we are going, never knowing which roads will have detours and which roads will be busy near the congested interstate system that fills up like a parking lot in the mornings and by 2 PM every weekday. How people get to work on time amazes me!
It is time for Nashville to decide if its calling itself an “It” City is true. An “It” City would offer its residents ample spaces to walk, ride bikes and travel whether it is to and from work, or for recreation and tourism. Certainly an “It” City wants its residents healthy. We love our parks and neighborhood centers, but if people can’t get there without high personal risk, they will stay away.
I do not want to just complain, but to activate and motivate other Nashville residents to consult with those in power, those who will listen to us and not let us get too caught up in bureaucratic red tape without successfully implementing prioritized decisions for our neighborhoods. Please contact your council member and arrange meetings and actions that will bring attention to your needs, Nashville!
Fast forward to 2019, and although much has stayed the same, much has changed. Friends have come and gone, we have worked hard, and we have aged. Our neighborhood streets are now clogged with traffic, a public health and safety hazard. Recently, some of our former walking group members began walking regularly again. But this time, we risk danger every time we step out onto our street with cars whizzing past, no sidewalks, no bike lanes, no easy ways to make a change to slow down the traffic.
We have contacted our Metro council member who says that traffic studies have been ordered and conducted during the past few years. We are attending neighborhood meetings so that we can empower ourselves and our elected officials to find and implement solutions.
This is not just an elitist problem though, unique to our neighborhood. All over Nashville, residents are asking for more assistance, for more sidewalks, bike lanes, stop signs and traffic calmers to create more safety for all of its residents. It breaks my heart to see a mother struggling with her baby carriage walking on a 12 inch wide space on a busy street, risking her and her baby’s lives. I hope that another tragedy does not happen before some necessary changes are made.
Even when driving, with all the construction and repair happening these days, it is hard to get to where we are going, never knowing which roads will have detours and which roads will be busy near the congested interstate system that fills up like a parking lot in the mornings and by 2 PM every weekday. How people get to work on time amazes me!
It is time for Nashville to decide if its calling itself an “It” City is true. An “It” City would offer its residents ample spaces to walk, ride bikes and travel whether it is to and from work, or for recreation and tourism. Certainly an “It” City wants its residents healthy. We love our parks and neighborhood centers, but if people can’t get there without high personal risk, they will stay away.
I do not want to just complain, but to activate and motivate other Nashville residents to consult with those in power, those who will listen to us and not let us get too caught up in bureaucratic red tape without successfully implementing prioritized decisions for our neighborhoods. Please contact your council member and arrange meetings and actions that will bring attention to your needs, Nashville!
Friday, November 16, 2018
What's Love Got to do with it?
I can hear Tina Turner singing, “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” after I watch the news, wondering why there is so much suffering in our world. The answer is, of course, “Everything.”
If we don’t show love for our fellow human beings and for all living beings for that matter, what do we have? We have our humanness and the parts of us that get us and the world into conflict: fighting, competition, greed, gluttony, I suppose all the major deadly sins.
We human beings have all sorts of feelings and thoughts which the iChing, sometimes refers to as “inferior.” I don’t like that term because how we feel and think are just true. Not good or bad, feelings and thoughts are like the weather, coming and going.
We hope to control our actions, at least some of the time. Thoughts and feelings are results of our experience of life, experiences in life.
We human beings walk around this dying planet, having all sorts of experiences, feelings, and thoughts. We try to manage our actions toward peers, authorities and leaders, families and friends,“others,” who are different from us by race, culture, language, politics, and/or religions. Why do some people kill each other in mass shootings with easy-to-obtain weaponry? Why do leaders, like the president, act in rude and disgusting ways? Why do we people neglect and abuse each other, especially those unlike us, those who think differently from us?
These past two years have offered fabulous examples of the “inferior” nature of some of our actions. We divide ourselves into tribes and can hardly stand to talk to those others. Collaboration, cooperation, and getting things done are second fiddle to winning. If we don’t agree on our values and beliefs, I am not sure how we find effective methods that might give most of us what most of us want. And, take good care of others.
Many of us grew up as little babies and children in a world that is full of trauma. How we react to trauma is influenced by our personalities, our biologies, and our circumstances, or environment. How our parents, schools, siblings and others have treated us, and we them. How fairness has played a part in our lives, or not. How love has been expressed so that when children want to believe their parents love them, how can they understand the torturous actions many parents display through tone of voice, by physical actions and/0r emotional, verbal abuse or neglect?
If we truly love each other, up close and from far away, let’s come together and share without battling. Let’s negotiate with each other and work toward healthy, productive plans.
Without love, we are nothing. We need to learn how to treat each other with respect, dignity and love even when we disagree. How? One person at a time. It all begins with me and with you.
If we don’t show love for our fellow human beings and for all living beings for that matter, what do we have? We have our humanness and the parts of us that get us and the world into conflict: fighting, competition, greed, gluttony, I suppose all the major deadly sins.
We human beings have all sorts of feelings and thoughts which the iChing, sometimes refers to as “inferior.” I don’t like that term because how we feel and think are just true. Not good or bad, feelings and thoughts are like the weather, coming and going.
We hope to control our actions, at least some of the time. Thoughts and feelings are results of our experience of life, experiences in life.
We human beings walk around this dying planet, having all sorts of experiences, feelings, and thoughts. We try to manage our actions toward peers, authorities and leaders, families and friends,“others,” who are different from us by race, culture, language, politics, and/or religions. Why do some people kill each other in mass shootings with easy-to-obtain weaponry? Why do leaders, like the president, act in rude and disgusting ways? Why do we people neglect and abuse each other, especially those unlike us, those who think differently from us?
These past two years have offered fabulous examples of the “inferior” nature of some of our actions. We divide ourselves into tribes and can hardly stand to talk to those others. Collaboration, cooperation, and getting things done are second fiddle to winning. If we don’t agree on our values and beliefs, I am not sure how we find effective methods that might give most of us what most of us want. And, take good care of others.
Many of us grew up as little babies and children in a world that is full of trauma. How we react to trauma is influenced by our personalities, our biologies, and our circumstances, or environment. How our parents, schools, siblings and others have treated us, and we them. How fairness has played a part in our lives, or not. How love has been expressed so that when children want to believe their parents love them, how can they understand the torturous actions many parents display through tone of voice, by physical actions and/0r emotional, verbal abuse or neglect?
If we truly love each other, up close and from far away, let’s come together and share without battling. Let’s negotiate with each other and work toward healthy, productive plans.
Without love, we are nothing. We need to learn how to treat each other with respect, dignity and love even when we disagree. How? One person at a time. It all begins with me and with you.
Monday, September 10, 2018
Cohousing Communities Make Good Sense!
At Germantown Commons, a cohousing community in Nashville, Tennessee, our mission statement is bold: “Our whole is greater than the sum of our parts. We actively embrace community, plan for sustainability, value diversity, and nurture creativity in a welcoming urban environment… Although we know we cannot change the world, we can shape part of it, creating a healthy sense of community.”
These days, everyone witnesses the suffering of people around us. Some experience depression, anxiety, and isolation, along with the current, critical divisions between people as if we are family clans like the Hatfields and McCoys, feuding over everything.
In the era of Trump’s administration, people are often led by fear of the “other,” fear of financial collapse or nuclear proliferation, so many fears. Being lonely and fearful are experiences that cohousing communities address directly.
Cohousing communities can look like people living together in extended families or small towns, but in our mobile society, so often, children move away to jobs and live far away from their families of origin. Many have given up the goodness of living in community.
Cohousing communities have developed over many years and Germantown Commons is the first cohousing community in Tennessee, now 3 years old. All ages of people and families flock to this type of living hoping to create a better way to experience life.
The benefits include enjoying ourselves while developing deep friendships and having people closely available if one is sick or isolated. At Germantown Commons we privately own our condos and we share a large Common House where we gather often for meals, trainings, meditation, business meetings, and fun activities. Each condo has its own kitchen and laundry area as well as privacy which we also enjoy.
We benefit also from sharing our lives with all sorts of people, those we may have never known without this community. We work together to enhance the physical, financial and emotional parts of our lives, making many of our decisions by committees and consensus. We reap pleasure from downsizing so that we don’t have to own every piece of kitchen or lawn equipment that we may need.
Disadvantages? Certainly, there are some. Like living closely together with people whose lifestyles are different from our own, some who may hold strong beliefs different from ours, or behaviors that may irritate us. Cohousing is like a microcosm of our world and we work together closely, trying to help each other improve our lives and deal with any conflicts that arise, hoping to generate compassion for differentness and learn from each other along the way.
Like in our nation, living in cohousing is not for those who only want to relax and take it easy in life, circling the wagons, keeping to themselves. Our participation in community takes some time, energy, and caring intentions, as we build a better world around us, by working with what we have - which is each other.
These days, everyone witnesses the suffering of people around us. Some experience depression, anxiety, and isolation, along with the current, critical divisions between people as if we are family clans like the Hatfields and McCoys, feuding over everything.
In the era of Trump’s administration, people are often led by fear of the “other,” fear of financial collapse or nuclear proliferation, so many fears. Being lonely and fearful are experiences that cohousing communities address directly.
Cohousing communities can look like people living together in extended families or small towns, but in our mobile society, so often, children move away to jobs and live far away from their families of origin. Many have given up the goodness of living in community.
Cohousing communities have developed over many years and Germantown Commons is the first cohousing community in Tennessee, now 3 years old. All ages of people and families flock to this type of living hoping to create a better way to experience life.
The benefits include enjoying ourselves while developing deep friendships and having people closely available if one is sick or isolated. At Germantown Commons we privately own our condos and we share a large Common House where we gather often for meals, trainings, meditation, business meetings, and fun activities. Each condo has its own kitchen and laundry area as well as privacy which we also enjoy.
We benefit also from sharing our lives with all sorts of people, those we may have never known without this community. We work together to enhance the physical, financial and emotional parts of our lives, making many of our decisions by committees and consensus. We reap pleasure from downsizing so that we don’t have to own every piece of kitchen or lawn equipment that we may need.
Disadvantages? Certainly, there are some. Like living closely together with people whose lifestyles are different from our own, some who may hold strong beliefs different from ours, or behaviors that may irritate us. Cohousing is like a microcosm of our world and we work together closely, trying to help each other improve our lives and deal with any conflicts that arise, hoping to generate compassion for differentness and learn from each other along the way.
Like in our nation, living in cohousing is not for those who only want to relax and take it easy in life, circling the wagons, keeping to themselves. Our participation in community takes some time, energy, and caring intentions, as we build a better world around us, by working with what we have - which is each other.
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
Why Cohousing?
Why would anyone choose to live in a cohousing community? After all, living so close to people can be challenging. I have close friends who think my husband and I are a bit whacked that we moved into Germantown Commons 3 years ago. Why would we (or you) do that?
We might all agree with the impressiveness of a multigenerational community that believes in sustainable living, composting, compassionate communication, diversity of all sorts, social justice, and caring about one another. But, when you consider living in a cohousing community, there is more to life than just these wonderful values. In fact, some of what brings us together can also pull us apart at times.
Many of us grew up in families, even good ones like mine. And, perhaps that helped me imagine what a cohousing community is like. But, not really. In a modern American family, parents or guardians make most of the decisions for the family, even though they may seek input from the children. Not so in cohousing. Therefore, what our experience has taught us may not appear to be that useful when making consensus decisions with our peers, other community members that have as much a stake in decisions as we do. No more hierarchy, more equality. After all, we each buy our own condos, participate in the work of the community, and we spend much time and energy helping make our policies and procedures as streamlined and effective as possible.
But, you might say that there are always personality conflicts in every group. Exactly! Conflict does occur along with shared responsibilities, fun and enjoyment of ourselves and one another.
So, if you like living in your private space, your own home with your own property, cohousing may not be for you. I, myself, loved living in several of my family’s private homes with our fenced in backyards for the dogs. I liked the amount of space we had where our 3 member family could stretch out and enjoy privacy and togetherness without too much hassle.
However, when we think about cooperative living and actually embark on the cohousing path, there are lots of variables to consider. Yes, it is great that we don’t have to own our own lawn mowers or every kind of cookware necessary. It is wonderful when we are cooking that we have 25 other homes nearby where we can ask for eggs or spices to complete our meals. We enjoy a 2600 square foot Common House which we co-own, where we can cook with each other and enjoy meals and parties together - when we choose to do so. Respecting each other’s privacy is extremely important and we try not to make up stories about people who seem standoffish or too domineering.
We all enjoy our separate lives, but we no longer have to drive across town to have coffee or a drink with a friend. We meet each other’s families and get to know best those people we enjoy the most. At times, community business meetings can be a bit stressful, but I think of cohousing living like this: it is similar to getting involved in an intimate relationship, which hopefully contains some joy and excitement as well as comfort - and sometimes conflict, which we attempt to work through.
How lovely it is to walk my dog every morning and see a couple of neighbors outdoors when I open my courtyard door! Seeing a smile, getting a hug, or even a brush off at times, works for me. If I want more privacy, I leave by another door where there are fewer eyes and neighbors.
Why live in cohousing? Because we want to. Because we want to challenge ourselves, to grow more healthy and find ways to live together in community with some unlike ourselves, to learn how to be compassionate even when someone’s behavior is annoying. To get to know people on a deeper level than I ever got to know any of my past neighbors over many years. To have people around if I am sick, upset or just plain ole lonely, and to learn about people from other types of backgrounds than my own, finding them fascinating and often loveable.
If you are like me and interested in cohousing, I advise you to do what my husband and I did even though our process took a long time. When Germantown Commons was forming, designing, financing, and building this lovely community, we often joke that we “flirted” with this community for a year. The next year, we “dated” them, getting to know some of them better, participating in potlucks and meetings. And, then the third year, we “married” them.
I sometimes wonder if we will grow old in this community, and like with any relationship, I have learned more about myself than I sometimes care to know. My weaknesses and strengths are more apparent than ever before. But, if not growing and developing, what is there to life? You will have to answer that question for yourself!
Monday, May 21, 2018
No attempt, a poem, May 20, 2018
No attempt was made to save her life.
Everyone knew he was troubled.
Wearing a trench coat for a year
Hiding his shame before his guns,
His self-loathing and rage after being
Bullied, beaten up far too often.
She had befriended him, trying
To be an open, caring person,
Until he misread her signals and cues.
She had broken his heart without
Even knowing it.
Until he shot her dead inside the school.
There she learned all there is to know
About life and death, love and sacrifice.
He on the other hand didn’t have the courage
To kill himself after murdering so many others.
No courage at all to turn the gun on himself.
No one tried to stop him, they all thought
It was just a fire drill, staying glued to their phones
As they wandered outside the school building
Only to learn later of the havoc, the horror
10 people dead, 10 wounded.
It is time to talk about guns. It has been time for so long.
How many more children, how many people need to die
Before we say,
STOP.
We will not allow our children
To go to school scared that the next shooter will be
One of them, when that kid has just had enough
And goes out with a bang and no whimper.
When will we protect the children,
Who are slain so damn often, cut off at the knees
Before they have a chance to live?
Who will stop the shooters if we don’t do something
Really drastic to keep guns out of these shooters’ hands?
No real attempt has been made to save any of their lives.
Everyone knew he was troubled.
Wearing a trench coat for a year
Hiding his shame before his guns,
His self-loathing and rage after being
Bullied, beaten up far too often.
She had befriended him, trying
To be an open, caring person,
Until he misread her signals and cues.
She had broken his heart without
Even knowing it.
Until he shot her dead inside the school.
There she learned all there is to know
About life and death, love and sacrifice.
He on the other hand didn’t have the courage
To kill himself after murdering so many others.
No courage at all to turn the gun on himself.
No one tried to stop him, they all thought
It was just a fire drill, staying glued to their phones
As they wandered outside the school building
Only to learn later of the havoc, the horror
10 people dead, 10 wounded.
It is time to talk about guns. It has been time for so long.
How many more children, how many people need to die
Before we say,
STOP.
We will not allow our children
To go to school scared that the next shooter will be
One of them, when that kid has just had enough
And goes out with a bang and no whimper.
When will we protect the children,
Who are slain so damn often, cut off at the knees
Before they have a chance to live?
Who will stop the shooters if we don’t do something
Really drastic to keep guns out of these shooters’ hands?
No real attempt has been made to save any of their lives.
Monday, May 14, 2018
Loneliness: a need for Connection and Community
Loneliness can be deadly. Loneliness is a looming problem in our highly technological American society. If people don’t die from loneliness, they sometimes appear to walking around dead inside, or silently starving for connection and community. Sometimes, lonely people hurt others.
Loneliness has probably been around for as long as people have but it may be getting worse, more prevalent and more pervasive.
Why does loneliness occur? For as many reasons as there are people. Some suffer from traumatic backgrounds, families sometimes acting more dysfunctional than a Gothic horror movie. As a psychotherapist, I see many lonely people even from good families, some who suffer with anxiety and depression, crippling them at times. The stigma of mental illness often keeps people at home, unable or unwilling to attempt to deal with their distress. But worse is the lack of available and affordable services, making getting help nearly impossible for some.
What are the answers to solving the loneliness crisis in our nation? Not only funding expert mental health services for all people in our society but even when services are found, loneliness is not just an individual problem with an individual solution. It is a problem with connection and community as well.
I propose that all healthcare providers not only screen their patients for cancer, STI’s and other medical issues, but screen them also for anxiety, depression, PTSD, and loneliness. Health care systems need to help patients find access to services instead of just starting them on psychiatric medications without offering or recommending counseling, 12 step programs, or psychotherapy as options as well. Although many health care providers strongly support counseling for their patients, oftentimes follow through is difficult.
Many other problems in our country and around the world can be better managed when people have access to counseling for individuals, couples, families and organizations. Excellent counseling targets a wealth of problems like obesity, alcohol and drug dependence, gambling, compulsive porn behaviors, violence, and how badly some people treat each other. Issues like sexism, genderism, ageism, racism, and religious bias are rampant.
People are not flocking to churches these days and many human needs are not being met in our mobile world where nuclear families are geographically and emotionally distant from their extended families, long term friends and often from financial security. We Americans have many needs for connecting with each other and within ourselves in all sorts of ways, including spiritually, emotionally, physically, intellectually, vocationally, and more. The time to work on this problem is now and we are the ones to do it.
Please reach out to anyone you know who seems alone, lonely, or distressed and help them explore possible services available to them. Let’s also create more affordable and available services so that we can support human, family and community growth, becoming a society full of connected, committed and healthy individuals working together to create more peace and harmony in our world.
Loneliness has probably been around for as long as people have but it may be getting worse, more prevalent and more pervasive.
Why does loneliness occur? For as many reasons as there are people. Some suffer from traumatic backgrounds, families sometimes acting more dysfunctional than a Gothic horror movie. As a psychotherapist, I see many lonely people even from good families, some who suffer with anxiety and depression, crippling them at times. The stigma of mental illness often keeps people at home, unable or unwilling to attempt to deal with their distress. But worse is the lack of available and affordable services, making getting help nearly impossible for some.
What are the answers to solving the loneliness crisis in our nation? Not only funding expert mental health services for all people in our society but even when services are found, loneliness is not just an individual problem with an individual solution. It is a problem with connection and community as well.
I propose that all healthcare providers not only screen their patients for cancer, STI’s and other medical issues, but screen them also for anxiety, depression, PTSD, and loneliness. Health care systems need to help patients find access to services instead of just starting them on psychiatric medications without offering or recommending counseling, 12 step programs, or psychotherapy as options as well. Although many health care providers strongly support counseling for their patients, oftentimes follow through is difficult.
Many other problems in our country and around the world can be better managed when people have access to counseling for individuals, couples, families and organizations. Excellent counseling targets a wealth of problems like obesity, alcohol and drug dependence, gambling, compulsive porn behaviors, violence, and how badly some people treat each other. Issues like sexism, genderism, ageism, racism, and religious bias are rampant.
People are not flocking to churches these days and many human needs are not being met in our mobile world where nuclear families are geographically and emotionally distant from their extended families, long term friends and often from financial security. We Americans have many needs for connecting with each other and within ourselves in all sorts of ways, including spiritually, emotionally, physically, intellectually, vocationally, and more. The time to work on this problem is now and we are the ones to do it.
Please reach out to anyone you know who seems alone, lonely, or distressed and help them explore possible services available to them. Let’s also create more affordable and available services so that we can support human, family and community growth, becoming a society full of connected, committed and healthy individuals working together to create more peace and harmony in our world.
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