Collaboration and Connection

The new buzz words are Collaboration and Connection. In the past, Competition and Winning reigned. The times, they are a’ changing.

In the past, Rachel Botsman coined the term, Collaborative Consumption in a TedX talk (http://www.ted.com/talks/rachel_botsman_the_case_for_collaborative_consumption.html) She highlighted the benefits of our joining together and sharing our products, tools, and skills just like when we lived in communities with extended families. For instance, instead of buying a lawnmower individually, and using it once weekly, we might ask a few neighbors if they want to pool their resources and buy a lawnmower that we can share. How much less expensive and more cooperative life might be.

Ms. Botsman reported that the 20th century was about individual consumption and the 21st century is about sharing. We have collected so much stuff that our garages and closets are bursting. Now, we may be moving from separation and waste to creating a more sustainable community that meets our inner needs without giving up our lifestyles and our freedoms. But, for many people, letting go of or sharing stuff is hard.

Not only do some companies rent cars, bicycles, and cleaning services, we can also sell and trade our stuff individually if we trust each other. Recycling stores for clothes, furniture, sports equipment and all sorts of other products have been around for years. I often buy recycled clothes and then give them to Goodwill, rather than buying brand new ones. We have prided ourselves on what is mine but maybe we are shifting to see the beauty of giving away, sharing, trading and bartering.

Our current technology gives us quick and easy results. Think about eBay and Facebook. Technology helps us stay connected with others. I am part of some email list serves where people share referrals, services, products, and emotional support. What a wealth of information at our fingertips! Instead of focusing primarily on ourselves and our families, we can participate in collectively helping our community, moving toward what is ours not just mine.

People now share jobs, child care, YouTube videos, homes and even pets, and don’t always use money for the exchange. As I observe my mother living in a retirement community, I see great benefits like sharing meals, conversation, activities, transportation, and more. Collaboration also makes good economic sense.

We have collaborated for years. We pay taxes to help our government build highways, supply us with services like fire and police departments, libraries and schools. How else can we collaborate and connect with others?

There are many lonely people in the world, some who feel isolated, depressed and despairing. They sometimes don’t know how to reach out to others. If we collaborate more as a common style of living, perhaps we won’t be as solitary and self-involved as we have been. Maybe in giving to and sharing with others, we can help each other as well as help ourselves. 

Who can we Believe?

My mother and I just had an argument about the politically slanted forwards she sometimes sends. Bless her heart, she is 91 years old but some of these forwards are highly offensive to me.

She thinks I don’t want to hear the “other” side’s opinions but I tell her it isn’t quite that. These email forwards are hateful, spiteful and full of exaggerations and lies, or so I think. I believe my own news sources, but I have to admit they are biased too. Who can we believe?

In this highly technological society, we are exposed to 24 hour news on TV and other forms of media that flood us with information, some useful, some silly and some just plain nuts - but, according to whom? How do we sort through all this stuff that assaults us so that we can educate ourselves about our world? We want excellent, truthful data in order to make choices not just about who we vote for, but about what to eat, how to live, and what products won’t kill us. Who can we believe?

The polished media often sound wise and build great cases, full of doctored data, some taken out of context, but some even word for word out of the mouths of politicians who never meant to be recorded at that particular moment. Who wants to serve their community by running for office when they subject themselves to microscopic investigations, researching every move since the womb? Who wants to put family members into such a fishbowl with cameras and smart phones constantly recording?

When 70% of our media outlets are owned by corporations who control every tidbit and morsel that we hear and see, how can we muddle through all the sensational stuff to find some truth? We try to find news sources that are like minded to hear our own thoughts reflected without really investigating the other side. Mother, you are right. I don’t usually want to hear what the “other” thinks.

Even Rush Limbaugh acknowledged somewhat hysterically on the radio that he lies, that FOX News lies, and that people soak up their words like sponges, believing them. 

I want answers, I want to solve this dilemma of a nation full of people hungry for facts and figures and also desperate to know exactly who is really listening to our phone conversations and reading our emails. Do we believe Edward Snowden, or do we believe government officials who lie to us over and over again, even when they get caught in their lies? Who can we believe?

Given these issues, what can we do except argue with our family members, talk about those other stupid people, and/or lapse into great despair at the state of our current information stream? Surely there is a better way. If not, maybe we should just turn on a good reality show, and vegetate. 

2014 New Year Fantasies

Another New Year.

High hopes and dreams galore.

Wishes bursting at the seams.
New year’s resolutions?

I usually think that is such a silly tradition, bound for failure.

Just sitting on this couch with my dogs
And computer, my family nearby on their 

Computers, silent at times and 

Conversing once in awhile.

Music surrounds, blissfully so.

Perhaps this moment is heaven and the 

Best New Year’s gift ever!

My fantasies for the new year 2014 include for all of us:

Pets and children, laughs and hugs.

The ridding of extreme prejudice, avarice and dishonesty.

Privacy from our government and for ourselves.

Dignity for all peoples of the world.

Integrity in thoughts and action.

Good friendship and sensual, healthy pleasures.

Acknowledgment of and perhaps acceptance of our dark sides.

The will to live more peacefully with others.

Lots of music, song and dance.

Less worry about mundane matters.

Faith and love and generosity of spirit.

Compassion for others and for ourselves.

Humor to deal with tragedies and the idiocies of some.

Commitment to changing some part of the world around us.

Or, changing ourselves for the better.

Learning something new.

Finding meaning and passion about something that holds and focuses us.

Excellent food, fine drink, health and peace.

No more war or drone strikes or gun violence toward any people.

No more weapons being used to hurt others, be they tangible or verbal.

Nice to reflect and to dream about making our lives just a little bit better, more meaningful and loving. May you have a wonderful new year!  Best wishes and blessings.

Holiday Grief 101

Bursting forth at the seams, her dress fit too tightly.

Overwhelmed and overburdened with affectation,

The buttons popped, the zipper broke.

Another Christmas Day, full and rich.

No longer able to fit into these clothes,

How will she dress?

What adornment, what accessories can

Continue to hide her vehemence, her fear and rage?

A suit of armor, a bikini, or a straight jacket? 

An aging hippie dress, or inappropriate leggings

That may show her age but not good taste.

What outer layer can envelope her?

Perhaps a cloak, a drape, a poncho,

Scarves wound round and round,

Gloves for hands and boots for feet,
At least she won’t get cold.

Protected and enclosed, she enters the next

Party, smiling in agony and anxiety,

Misery, tears and hope.

Maybe this gathering will be better.

Alas, the people attending this party are

No better than the ones at the last.

Maybe she should just be by herself, 

At home, isolated, withdrawn, alone.

Entering into this safer world, she cries out

Wanting, longing for love and comfort,

Hating the way she is, so sensitive and

Pained by every day life.

Her pets are good company, nurturing her well.

A good book plays the music of

Her soul, getting through another holiday, 

Another time, another life.

A Holiday Dream for an Effective Government

While listening to TV news analysts and political comedians lately, I am appalled once again that our government is so inefficient and full of rampant and radical divisions. Our leaders fight with each other, like elementary school kids at recess, blaming each other for the state of our nation, both sides feeling bullied by the other. Is this is a battle to the death, a civil war that pits each one of us against the other?  I have a dream that does not include bullying.

At first, I dream about a government with the majority of its leaders being women who look like me.  I feel cozy and nurtured in this dream, and I see things getting done, bills being passed, laws being implemented and evaluated effectively.  But then, the dream changes to a more powerful proposition.

My dream transforms to include not only women as leaders but some men too. Not only white women, but women and men of color, of different races, backgrounds, creeds and sexual orientations.  This dream includes people of all genders plus young people who are committed to working together in multigenerational and multicultural teams.

These excellent leaders create a system for effective communications with their constituents, asking for input and representing rather than following. They care about all people no matter whether they are rich or poor.  Corporations cannot control them and they do what is best for all of the people they serve, not just for the business sector.

In my dream, we have a government of the People, by the People, and for the People.  But, I wonder if we can truly implement such a dream? We have moved so far away from this dream, that many have turned away from politics, believing that our government will never change so why even get involved?  That way lies madness. 

Do we leave decisions that affect each of our lives up to people who campaign for a living?  Leave our children to grow up in a world where we don’t count, we don’t have any power to help our leaders make life long decisions about how we work, what we eat, where we sleep, how we educate our children, and how our children get sent off to wars to fight our battles in other lands?  Our battles that are focused mostly on economic desires, and perhaps greed? 

My dream has an ending.  But, getting to that ending entails a lot of tough, hard work.  It calls for us all to leave our homes and engage with others about what we think would be good for our country. In my holiday dream, I see everyone having the energy, time, interest and enthusiasm for helping us all help each one of us, realizing that if we don’t work together, someone else will make decisions for us. And then, we cannot live in a free democracy.  I hope it is not too late.

As Our Bodies Change....

Maybe I am just feeling my age more than usual on this chilly morning, but I have noticed that my peers and I are not just viewing our bodies as changing, we are dealing with aging in all aspects of our lives: mentally, spiritually, economically, emotionally, in all ways. 

At my age, some of us complain about our sagging faces, bottoms and breasts, and we yearn to look like our children who have such smooth and healthy looking skin.  What we would give to be young again but only if we could bring along the wisdom that we have now, a product of many experiences, decisions, and choices in life. Many of my peers groan about our economy and about the continual injustices in our world, in our nation and in our town.  We may still be searching spiritually, or we have come to a more peaceful place with our devotional lives, having integrated much along the way, and hopefully still with curiosity about what’s next. The Great Mystery is just that for some of us: a mystery to explore and wonder about, and we are not quite so fearful about the unknown as we once were.

We call ourselves mentors now instead of students, we might like to see ourselves as old crones or wizards as we spout off our views, theories and ideas to the world and to younger folks in particular.  I believe we can have deeper relationships with ourselves and with others at this stage of life. We can wade through conflict at least a little better than we used to, and we have more compassion perhaps than ever before.

We may no longer be seen as sexual beings by others, but we may feel and act more sexual and romantic than ever before, more comfortable with ourselves and our partners.  But, in contrast, the world may see us as grandparents or elders rather than as nubile nymphs.

What do we do with all our smarts and somewhat integrated selves?  Let me get more personal: what is my calling now, besides my profession which I both love and enjoy?  What passion do I have for acting on my values and hopes about the transformation of humanity?  Where will I put my energy in the coming years?  Will I just flow along and let come what may, or will I go to the other extreme and get obsessive about planning, setting goals, mapping out my wished-for future? 

What do you do, what do you plan, what do you hope for as you watch your children grow up and have families of their own? What are your interests and joys while you watch your parents age and die, or while you grieve their passing away from this physical realm?  How long will we need to work for pay, and will retirement ever really be an option when it used to be the norm?

Back to our physical bodies.  How do we make peace with our bodies, our faces, our hands and all those parts that show the gravity of our situation, the lower amount of energy, the settling in our bones?  Do we cut our bodies up, stretch and pull our skin like straightening out a wrinkled carpet, or do we honor these creases, these bags and sags, and watch movies featuring Judi Dench so that we can see that there is truly beauty in an old face that hasn’t been filled in or botox-ed out?

My holiday wishes for you are:  

•  I hope you will love yourself, your mind and your body as much as you can. Be gentle about the changes that are happening.
•  I hope you will know that numerical age is not the same as the age we feel, and sometimes you can be shocked by mirrors and photographs of yourself because you feel so much younger than you look.  Maybe that is better than the alternative.
• Use your wisdom and experience and help others who are younger or who struggle. We have a lot to teach and give to others at this age but we may want to wait until we are asked before offering our excellent advice.
• Find some activity you enjoy and just do it. Stop working so hard, work smarter but not longer.
• Relax more and enjoy yourself and others.  No one else can do that for you. It is time to be self-centered (within limits) and do for yourself instead of only doing for others.

That’s enough.  I wish you the best, no matter how old you are!

Dreams: They can haunt us or help us

 I awoke this morning, having dreamt about competition with a woman for a man. High drama, lusty and frightening. I screamed at this vicious woman while she tried to take my man. He claimed he was mine forever, that she was just a harpy, not to worry. At the end of the dream, she was dead.

After awaking, I was partly horrified and partly stunned. Why did I dream such a dream? I can interpret this dream in numerous ways. Maybe I was fighting against the loss of a loved one, scared he would be taken away by some strange, angry woman. Perhaps I was feeling insecure and needed my man to play the hero, slay the dragon, that Medusa whose head writhed with snakes. Maybe I wanted to kill her, a Hunger Games type of theme: it's either you or me and one of us has to go. We can't both share him and live. Or, perhaps it was a part of me struggling with myself.

I can view the dream as having to do with my family of origin where my sister and I competed for our parents' attention and love. Or, this could be a classic Oedipal or Electra dream, and I am competing with my mother for my father's love. Or, I may have been competing with my father for my mother's love, who knows? What does this dream mean? All of the above, none of the above, and probably more.

Dreams are like snowflakes or fingerprints, each unique but with themes, threads that weave a tapestry over time about our unconscious lives. Dreams can be mirrors of our humanness, or windows into our souls.

 

What do you dream about? Being chased, or being naked in front of a class where you are supposed to lead, teach or entertain? My favorite dreams are about my stretching out my arms and flying free, or being pregnant.

Dreams may be metaphorical stories like intriguing fiction or wise tomes. We may speak to and listen to our gods while we dream, or we may sort out anecdotal events of the day. Some think that dreams are just neurons firing in our brains, chemical reactions with no real meanings.

I tend to view dreams as messages to our conscious minds from deep within.They may also have a transpersonal element to them, the divine speaking through code. I engaged in a battle to the death last night in my dream. What an archetypal journey, filled with desire, with fear, loss and sacrifice.

Exploration, awareness and understanding are keys to the mysteries of our dreams. Play with your dreams, talk to them, wonder about them. Associate freely to the images and put yourself in each part of the dream, imagining a part of yourself in each character, each place and action. What are your dreams telling you? Are they only haunting you or can they help you while you reflect on the present, the past and the future?