Violence Interrupted

The answers to decreasing violence in our society are not simple.  So many complicated, complex American systems and institutions need changing, and it will take us all working together to create and implement new ways to deal with violence within ourselves and between each other. 

As long as human beings walk the earth, some violence will occur.  Although we cannot eradicate all violence, we can change our laws and focus on the mental and emotional health of our people to reduce the amount of tragedy among us.

We are grounded in a violent history: when the first settlers came to America, they moved and slaughtered our native people, displaying the greed that lives on today. We take what we can get no matter that human beings or the earth suffer. In this circular pattern, violence begets anger, rage and despair which begets more violence.

Change begins with a shift in some of our beliefs about life and health. America teaches us that “healthy” often means “successful” which can sometimes harm people and the earth. Some win and some lose. Competition reigns and only recently has collaboration become a buzz word as a possibly better way of doing business, supporting agreement instead of the winner takes all.  As long as there are people there will be conflict, and we should devote our attention to working through those conflicts nonviolently, if at all possible. Two of my hopes are: 1) reducing our own violence, verbally and physically, toward others and ourselves, and 2) supporting laws that minimize access to assault weapons.

Unfortunately, when states like Tennessee and Georgia allow guns in all sorts of public places, then accidents, suicides, impulsive acts and planned murders are more likely to occur. Also, as long as the large gap between the wealthy and the poor continues and as long as there is a death penalty, economic and institutional violence continue.

We live in a society that praises those who support both war and drone use, and those who support violence within America in more subtle but no less harmful ways, like through increasing poverty by our laws and practicing different types of justice for the poor and the rich, and based on the color of our skin.

One belief that needs to be reexamined and changed: that girls/women’s behavior prompts boys/men to violence.  If a male isn’t able to succeed whether by income, sexual prowess, vocationally, or socially, females are often blamed and accused, then targeted with violence. How horrifying. 

Even though an antidote to violence may be compassion and love, all the love in the world will not completely stop violence.  Faith alone cannot stop violence.  We are a country full of bullies, angry, fearful, anxious and depressed people.  We need to deal with these underlying feelings that so many share. Only if we work together will we have any chance of creating the space for a positive change in our current beliefs and in our systems.

Women are Emotional (Crazy) and Men are Forceful (Stable)

It is hard to believe that FOX news pundits questioned if Hillary Clinton’s becoming a grandmother is a planned campaign strategy, to give her a “bump” in the upcoming presidential election.  Are they serious?  It is ridiculous how they describe and treat women vs. men.  Mitt Romney became a grandfather during his presidential campaign. Were his children’s pregnancies planned to help him get votes?

There are so many examples of how women in politics and women in general are treated differently than are men. When Hillary Clinton had tears, Fox news reporters said that she was close to a breakdown. When John Boehner cries, he is passionate, concerned, not facing an emotional collapse.  

Bridget Kelly is characterized in the Chris Christie Bridge-gate scandal as being too needy of and dependent on her lover’s approval, whereas when Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Weiner, and John Edwards destroy their political lives by their romantic or sexual liaisons, they are just being men. Just men who lie, cheat, or who are so dependent on women (or sex) that they self-destruct.

Jon Stewart satirized this tragic dilemma (see The Daily Show, April 22, 2014) by calling his segment, “The Broad Must Be Crazy!”  What is OK behavior for men is not OK for women who look unstable when displaying the same behavior.  You know women, with their hormones and all.

If Hillary Clinton speaks with a harsh tone of voice, she is seen as rageful, too emotional about the subject. When men use a similar tone, they are being forceful, assertive, even presidential. When Chris Christie yells at reporters or talks to them in a condescending and nasty tone, some say he is being victimized, bullied by the media.  Whereas Christie himself has been known for years to act like a bully.

But, women are crazy, too emotional, too unstable to serve effectively in political office, much less as President.  What an absurd thought.

Women support families, businesses and this country, taking care of many tasks, managing households, children, and husbands while they also work full-time.  Many men succeed in their careers partly because of women’s taking care of their needs behind the scenes.  Now it is time for women to take more of the spotlight and men can also be the supporters of their careers. Women are often stronger emotionally than the men around them, taking the blows and batterings by men.  A Florida woman gets sentenced to 20 years in prison for shooting a gun at a wall to prompt her abusive partner to leave.  George Zimmerman and some white male Americans suffer no such enormous penalty when they have actually shot and killed children.

I could shout my discontent but I might be seen as too emotional.  Perhaps one day, men and women will be seen and treated as equals regarding their skills and productiveness, irrespective of their gender, who they love, or how they act.

The Golden Rule or WWJD?

Does our state government follow the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Do we want to give our state legislators the power to tell women what kinds of decisions they, their families and doctors can make about their health care decisions? How about when the governor and legislature turn down billions of federal dollars to fund healthcare for Tennessee’s poorest citizens? 

If these elected officials are Christian, is this more recent adage appropriate: “What would Jesus do (WWJD)?”  If a child happens by chance to be born into a poor family, their chance of thriving and succeeding in life is not equal to that of the privileged few.  Their health is impacted negatively, their educational functioning is threatened, and their spirits are broken.  Would Jesus condemn them, call them lazy, ”takers,” and shame them for not working hard enough? Some politicians complain about dependency on governmental handouts, but they also don’t increase the minimum wage.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you don’t like being bullied, don’t bully others.  That seems simple enough but there sure are a lot of adults running this country who don’t seem to act in that way.  Our leaders may try to represent us, but their main job function is to raise money in order to get re-elected.

This is a racial and classist issue, this is about income inequality. If a child doesn’t have enough food to eat, a safe bed to sleep in, some good parenting and hope, how will that child be able to learn well, to succeed in our world?  A white upper middle class child who had the good fortune to be born into a privileged family has a far better chance of succeeding.  Their family provides for their physical needs, gets them tutors if they have trouble learning, and gives them financial support for extracurricular activities and for college.

Some people say that they have succeeded all on their own with no help from others, and they sometimes judge others harshly for not doing the same.  I hope that those people look around at all the services available to them through tax payers’ support of education, libraries, fire and police departments, transportation systems, justice centers, and more.  We all use these systems and their services. It is a ridiculous statement for anyone to say that they succeeded all by themselves.

What would Jesus do?  Would he punish the downtrodden, send little children into the urban wilderness without guidance and support?  No, he would love them, seek to help them, heal the sick, and comfort those who are distressed.  Some people preach about their faith in Jesus and then act in opposite ways to his teachings. How can this be a practice of good Christianity, or an attempt to follow the Golden Rule?

The Candy Crush Epidemic

I just heard on the news that a game called Candy Crush, offered by the firm, King, is about to enter the stock market, valued at $5 billion. Addiction is no laughing matter, but about Candy Crush, I sometimes giggle.

Why are baby boomers and not just Generations X,Y, and Z playing this game? Why am I playing it anytime I have a moment to spare? I feel ashamed thinking about how I am outing myself, hoping that this confession doesn’t ruin my career or prompt people to judge me harshly.

Candy Crush is a free, mobile phone game although you can pay money for hints. I am proud to say that I have never paid one cent to the game.

The researcher, B.F. Skinner, once marveled at how erratic or intermittent reinforcement kept rats coming back for more rewards far more often than did consistent reinforcement. This happens in CC. At times very frustrated, I have screamed at my phone when I have gotten stuck. But, then when I succeed, I feel so skillful, talented and generally good about myself. Is this an illusion? If so, no wonder we “addicts” keep coming back for more.
Candy Crush is highly entertaining while we wait in our worlds: in grocery lines, at airports, and in doctors’ offices. I make deals with myself, much like bargaining with God, that if I work hard for a few hours, I can play Candy Crush.

I have never sat still for very long at a time, but now that I play Candy Crush, I can sit very still until the game itself times me out. I listen to the news or music while playing. This game is like a powerful drug and its sounds are also exciting.

When our daughter came home from college recently, she didn’t understand why her mother was sitting on the couch in the evenings, eyes glued to the phone, at times praising herself and at other times, yelling. I feared she might set up an intervention. I am not proud of my once enticing her to play the game but she didn’t follow my compulsive pattern, thank goodness.

Candy Crush is handy any time you want to have fun and you don’t even have to be in a boring meeting to enjoy it. You can play on mute so no one ever knows if you are taking notes on your phone, or just looking at Facebook or email, unless your murmurings of glee slip out when moving to the next level.

Candy Crush is not for everyone. So, unless you are retired, or are between jobs, or have a lot of time on your hands, beware. You too could get clutched by the claws of Candy Crush and you could lose your family, your career and all that is important to you. Maybe investing in CC is a far better activity.

Collaboration and Connection

The new buzz words are Collaboration and Connection. In the past, Competition and Winning reigned. The times, they are a’ changing.

In the past, Rachel Botsman coined the term, Collaborative Consumption in a TedX talk (http://www.ted.com/talks/rachel_botsman_the_case_for_collaborative_consumption.html) She highlighted the benefits of our joining together and sharing our products, tools, and skills just like when we lived in communities with extended families. For instance, instead of buying a lawnmower individually, and using it once weekly, we might ask a few neighbors if they want to pool their resources and buy a lawnmower that we can share. How much less expensive and more cooperative life might be.

Ms. Botsman reported that the 20th century was about individual consumption and the 21st century is about sharing. We have collected so much stuff that our garages and closets are bursting. Now, we may be moving from separation and waste to creating a more sustainable community that meets our inner needs without giving up our lifestyles and our freedoms. But, for many people, letting go of or sharing stuff is hard.

Not only do some companies rent cars, bicycles, and cleaning services, we can also sell and trade our stuff individually if we trust each other. Recycling stores for clothes, furniture, sports equipment and all sorts of other products have been around for years. I often buy recycled clothes and then give them to Goodwill, rather than buying brand new ones. We have prided ourselves on what is mine but maybe we are shifting to see the beauty of giving away, sharing, trading and bartering.

Our current technology gives us quick and easy results. Think about eBay and Facebook. Technology helps us stay connected with others. I am part of some email list serves where people share referrals, services, products, and emotional support. What a wealth of information at our fingertips! Instead of focusing primarily on ourselves and our families, we can participate in collectively helping our community, moving toward what is ours not just mine.

People now share jobs, child care, YouTube videos, homes and even pets, and don’t always use money for the exchange. As I observe my mother living in a retirement community, I see great benefits like sharing meals, conversation, activities, transportation, and more. Collaboration also makes good economic sense.

We have collaborated for years. We pay taxes to help our government build highways, supply us with services like fire and police departments, libraries and schools. How else can we collaborate and connect with others?

There are many lonely people in the world, some who feel isolated, depressed and despairing. They sometimes don’t know how to reach out to others. If we collaborate more as a common style of living, perhaps we won’t be as solitary and self-involved as we have been. Maybe in giving to and sharing with others, we can help each other as well as help ourselves. 

Who can we Believe?

My mother and I just had an argument about the politically slanted forwards she sometimes sends. Bless her heart, she is 91 years old but some of these forwards are highly offensive to me.

She thinks I don’t want to hear the “other” side’s opinions but I tell her it isn’t quite that. These email forwards are hateful, spiteful and full of exaggerations and lies, or so I think. I believe my own news sources, but I have to admit they are biased too. Who can we believe?

In this highly technological society, we are exposed to 24 hour news on TV and other forms of media that flood us with information, some useful, some silly and some just plain nuts - but, according to whom? How do we sort through all this stuff that assaults us so that we can educate ourselves about our world? We want excellent, truthful data in order to make choices not just about who we vote for, but about what to eat, how to live, and what products won’t kill us. Who can we believe?

The polished media often sound wise and build great cases, full of doctored data, some taken out of context, but some even word for word out of the mouths of politicians who never meant to be recorded at that particular moment. Who wants to serve their community by running for office when they subject themselves to microscopic investigations, researching every move since the womb? Who wants to put family members into such a fishbowl with cameras and smart phones constantly recording?

When 70% of our media outlets are owned by corporations who control every tidbit and morsel that we hear and see, how can we muddle through all the sensational stuff to find some truth? We try to find news sources that are like minded to hear our own thoughts reflected without really investigating the other side. Mother, you are right. I don’t usually want to hear what the “other” thinks.

Even Rush Limbaugh acknowledged somewhat hysterically on the radio that he lies, that FOX News lies, and that people soak up their words like sponges, believing them. 

I want answers, I want to solve this dilemma of a nation full of people hungry for facts and figures and also desperate to know exactly who is really listening to our phone conversations and reading our emails. Do we believe Edward Snowden, or do we believe government officials who lie to us over and over again, even when they get caught in their lies? Who can we believe?

Given these issues, what can we do except argue with our family members, talk about those other stupid people, and/or lapse into great despair at the state of our current information stream? Surely there is a better way. If not, maybe we should just turn on a good reality show, and vegetate. 

2014 New Year Fantasies

Another New Year.

High hopes and dreams galore.

Wishes bursting at the seams.
New year’s resolutions?

I usually think that is such a silly tradition, bound for failure.

Just sitting on this couch with my dogs
And computer, my family nearby on their 

Computers, silent at times and 

Conversing once in awhile.

Music surrounds, blissfully so.

Perhaps this moment is heaven and the 

Best New Year’s gift ever!

My fantasies for the new year 2014 include for all of us:

Pets and children, laughs and hugs.

The ridding of extreme prejudice, avarice and dishonesty.

Privacy from our government and for ourselves.

Dignity for all peoples of the world.

Integrity in thoughts and action.

Good friendship and sensual, healthy pleasures.

Acknowledgment of and perhaps acceptance of our dark sides.

The will to live more peacefully with others.

Lots of music, song and dance.

Less worry about mundane matters.

Faith and love and generosity of spirit.

Compassion for others and for ourselves.

Humor to deal with tragedies and the idiocies of some.

Commitment to changing some part of the world around us.

Or, changing ourselves for the better.

Learning something new.

Finding meaning and passion about something that holds and focuses us.

Excellent food, fine drink, health and peace.

No more war or drone strikes or gun violence toward any people.

No more weapons being used to hurt others, be they tangible or verbal.

Nice to reflect and to dream about making our lives just a little bit better, more meaningful and loving. May you have a wonderful new year!  Best wishes and blessings.